Saturday, February 25, 2006

This flag don't burn! Ever !

Question of the moment. What do you get if you mix the DNA of an elephant with the DNA of a laughing hyena?

Saying for the day: If you make a better flag they'll beat a path to your door. But watch out for the one's with the bombs.

I don’t know how many of my readers know this but I have a little web company that I run on the side.

The idea came to me in a flash while I was sitting in the bathtub.

Now before you remind me that that was the place I was sitting when I dreamed up the drunken canary blog this was a much better idea than that.

I saw all the flag burning on CNN ( I have a television in my bathroom) and realized what the world really needs is an unburnable Danish flag. That’s right an unburnable Danish flag.

Well I put my two sons to work on the problem and we developed the “Super Danish Flag”. I can’t tell you how we make it because we don’t have all the processes patented yet. It is enough to tell you that this flag is really super.

First of all it can’t be burned. You can turn a blow torch on it for half an hour and it neither burns nor melts. You might have seen our Television add where we have a half naked Sean Penn trying his best to destroy it. He even blows it up and it remains unharmed.

More than that it has been treated so that spit slides right off, manure (this is a family blog) won’t stick, paint turns to vapor. It can not be hurt.

The day after I announced we were going into production we were picketed by a lone Arab with a sign that said “ Unkind to peace loving, flag burning Arabs.

We have since moved the plant to a new and secret location. We are not against picketing but we are a little afraid of bombs. You know, if you can’t destroy the flag, destroy the factory.

We already have an order from the Danish government for 1500 flags. Right now they are stuck in customs because our government doesn’t want to offend anybody. CNN refuses to carry the story for the same reason.

With the success of the Danish Flag we were going to start production on an American model in six different sizes. Then we got a letter from former vice President Gore. He pointed out that if we made that flag we would probably be breaking the law.

It is , you know, the constitutional right of every American college student to burn an American flag. This has been affirmed by two landmark Supreme Court cases which pointed out that American flag burning by Americans was an exercise in free speech.

Well we like the Supreme Court and we like free speech. So we won’t produce the American equivalent of our Super Danish flag.

We are however producing an American flag that if you rub it fast between your hands it bursts into flame. You don’t need a match. We are advertising it on college campuses across the country.

Oh, and that former Vice President has ordered 100 to take with him on his next visit to Saudi Arabia . He wants to give them away as gifts.

We have done our part to make this a better, peace loving, flag burning world.

6100 spins without a win. Hapless is a bit upset today because for the third day in a row he got cheated out of five lottery tickets and one was for a million dollars. You see he goes to this website called Group Lotto every day. They give him ten tickets on things like boats, cars, and money (lots of money). After he has clicked on the ten tickets, one by one, a sign comes on that says he has won ( note won) ten more tickets (how great is that) . However once he starts clicking he only gets five more tickets and he doesn't get the one for a million. He is upset and reenters but they tell him he has had all the chances for the day and he should come back tomorrow. He gets cheated out of five chances. He might have won that new car he doesn't need, or a boat, or the million. But no! He is cheated out of those tickets. Somebody with some authority should investigate this. Hapless loser can't stand losing losing tickets.
And now Uncle Wiggly lovers if my son Patrick doesn't open the bathtub door again while its full of water, flooding the kitchen and bathroom floors so his poor mother thinks the pipes have broken . We will be back tomorrow with another sleep producing chapter of "AS the World Spins"
Well I have been hard at work designing Bad Bad Blog. The one I will post when I make my run for the bottom on Battle of the Blogs. Work thus far done can be seen by clicking on Bad Bad Blog. If you have suggestions on how to make it worse leave me a comment.
You might notice the deer poll(spelled correctly) is gone. I am now going to meditate on your answers and my deer blog will either be posted or sent to the back of my D drive with the drunken canary. I am now working on a political blog and I need your guidance. Please take today's poll.
Betty spent the day finishing the last module of our HO mountain. It is a work of art. With each thing she does she gets better. I will try to take a picture of all three mosules together and post it tomorrow.
I spent the day updating the church web page . It has the most recent top ten list and this week's bulletin.
Betty and I went to church . Because of the heavy snow the attendance was bad. Then we went grocery shopping. It was so cold. Well now I am back in the fortress . I was going to pull up the drawbridge but its frozen to the ground. Well I need a breathing treatment.


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