Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Help Me I Surf Blogs

Saying for the Day: Nothing can be learned by reading blogs that can't be unlearned with a good Psychiatrist.
---If you are from blog-explosion or are new to this blog I have decided to help you in reading it. This will become part of my help with this blog section which will include things like what to do if the blog makes you sick to your stomach and how to stay awake despite the dull content.
If you are one of my regular five readers (I had six but one went to Florida and didn’t take his computer) you can skip over this part and go right to the hapless loser.
Now for you blog-explosion people and other newbies my blog is divided into three parts. That’s the way I was taught to make a speech.
The first part, the part your reading now contains my deep philosophical thoughts , my feeble attempts at humor , and my heart wrenching looks at life. It should take about thirty seconds to read and when you come to the end of it, the good stuff is over and you can hit the next number and poof right out of here. That is unless you want to leave a comment on how bad it was. You might as well read it because your stuck here for thirty seconds in any case.

Now the next part always begins with @@@ This warns you that the good stuff is over . That’s in case you didn’t know that that was the good stuff. After the @@@ comes the adventures of the hapless loser. The story of a dumb guy who goes every day to IWON.com and takes fifty spins but never, never wins. It totals up his losing spins until that day. It lets him grumble. It serves as a warning to anybody who thinks they stand a chance at Iwon. It always ends with *** This is so you can skip from the @@@ to the *** and not have to read this stupidity.

The last part is the really really dull part. It is a diary of my hour to hour activity of which the highlight is a breathing treatment (wow). It is there because the original purpose of this blog was to let my children know what their old , somewhat senile, parents were doing. It still serves to do that and I can’t help if our lives are dull. Like I said when you get to the @@@ you can hit the next number and poof unless of course your one of my children.

@@@
5700 spins without a win. But while he was spinning our Hapless loser saw an add that said." Tired of losing at lotto. Click here."So of course old hapless clicked there. He really, really is tired of losing. It seems that for just $35 or $34.95 to be exact this company would sell old hapless a service that helps him pick lottery numbers for any state lottery. It seems they have a scientific system based on some kind of new fangled mathematics that can get you numbers that greatly improves your chance of winning. It doesn't promise that hapless will win , only to greatly improve his chances. For a moment hapless considered buying in. But then he thought if the system was really good they would be out raking in money on state lotteries instead of trying to get rich $35 at a time. Hapless may be stupid but he ain't dumb. Besides he knows that science is just no match for bad luck. Tune in again tomorrow and see if he changes his mind and buys in on "As the World Spins" nominated for an early morning Clinker.
***

The universe is back in order as I got up at 6:00 today. If you read yesterday's post on how global warming is making dogs dumber you have to read my daughter-in-laws response at linna's minute . (Pete's blog in the links) She could be onto something.
This has started out to be a really great day. My son Pat has finally posted to his blog (first time since Christmas). Everything seems to be fine except his boys are taking some kind of weird lessons.
To see a picture of Betty's first Ho mountain click on Betty's Mountain.
Forget that stuff about this being a really good day. Just when I thought my tax problems were over the ELCA called. Now they are saying that they sent me the right form in the first place. I read them, again, the information on the form they sent me and they admit it is the wrong information but tell me that isn't the form they sent. Well who sent it to me then? Where is the one they said they sent. Is somebody going into my mailbox and changing the forms? ( I've heard of shape shifters but never form changers). They also said they have no record of the call where I was told a new form would be sent even though it had the usual disclaimer that" this call may be monitored for...". They say they can't send me a new form until I can prove to them they sent me the wrong one. Short of sending back the form I have and even I am not that dumb how do I prove it? Hey, this is my church, the ELCA, the one I raised all that benevolence for. I wonder how much a good law suit would get me? I would make a great witness, a pathetic old man , with a walker, who can hardly breath against a huge uncaring Church that cheated him out of $4000. Oh and Bishop I'm not laughing.
If you would like to read a funny response to the press demands that the Vice President hold a conference and tell them all about the shooting go to Ogre's Politics & Views A more rational view (slightly) is at personal diatribes.
Pastor Kim Beckmann called, not to see how I'm doing, but to try to get me to go to an ELCA conference in Escanaba.The conference will be an answer to the "Left Behind Books" and be based on the book of Revelations. I have no real love for the " Left Behind Books " but if the conference is by an LSTC professor it will probably be as far away from scripture as the Left Behind books. Wouldn't it be nice if people cared about you and just called to see how you were doing.
I just reread that last paragraph and suddenly realized I have become one of those pitiful, old, whiners ( that's whiner not wino). You know the kind that says over and over, "Pity
me, Please pity me." Besides Betty says Pastor Kim was really nice to her when I was in the hospital. But if a guys gota whine then a guys gota whine.
Betty went to TOPS so I made my world famous potato pancakes for lunch. If you beg properly then someday I'll give you the recipe.
And many more truly dull things happened on this day but the blog has no room to contain them all so I will go for a breathing treatment.
GBYA

3 Comments:

Blogger Jill said...

LOL! A smile for the morning! Keep it up. I enjoyed it.

5:56 AM  
Blogger Laurie said...

You're so cute and funny :-)

I'm one of your five readers (but I think you have more than that), and I don't skip any of it! LOL..

6:46 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

It is not whining if what you are saying is funny, which it is. All the great comedians talk about their problwms you know....Lori

2:01 PM  

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