Friday, February 24, 2006

I can do it. yes I can.

Saying for the day: A man who sets a goal should put all of his waking effort into reaching it. With a few stops along the way for a drink or two.
—–Well I have set my goal to be the bottom blog in blog explosions battle of the blogs. I very difficult goal because of my one win but still reachable.

The first thing I have to do is to design a special blog for the day of the battle. The blog your reading runs a small chance of winning in a blog battle. One must rule out even that small chance.

I will need a new logo. The real Finish castle has to go. It is too nice. I have a miserable cartoon of a castle I can replace it with.

The dragons will be replaced by animated dragon. GIF animations. Some people hate those. “They are just too 80’s”

Now a great big Danish flag in case an Arab gets to vote. I’m not Danish but my grandfather came from Finland so that’s close.

On the other side a small burning American flag. All the patriotic conservatives will vote against me.

Finally a picture of Hillary that morphs to an ape. I just happen to have one left over. That will get me no votes from the left.

Then I think the entire thing should be done in shades of purple with giant black lightning bolts running through the entire post making some of the words unreadable.

Now if they get beyond the start I am adding an entire two rows of adds. It’s only for one day so I will even advertise that communist loving Google. There are people who just get livid with rage over adds. I get their no vote.

Now the content. This is not really important because most voters make up their mind before they get to the content but just in case I will give you content that even a mother couldn’t love.

I will mention that George Bush is a fascist so the conservatives will vote no.

I will call Ted Kennedy a drunk and get liberal no votes.

I will say that I love Denmark and cartoons. You know who that will iritate.

I will comment on how all dogs, cats and horses should be destroyed. Now I have the animal lovers no vote.

I will say that anyone with a picture of a child on their website has wasted band width. Parents and grandparents will vote no.

I will insult every country I can think of that people blog from and that show up when I surf blog explosion.

So much for the main content.

Next I will make the hapless loser's part ten times as long and six times as dull.

Then to put the icing on the cake I will describe in detail my dull day with every single dull detail. I get up. I brush my teeth (woops I don't have any teeth) . But you get the idea. It will be the longest and dullest post in the history of blogdom.

The day before I make my race I will spend the day surfing blog explosion blogs and leaving nasty comments. I have an entire list of nasty comments to leave.

I will pick 15 blogs and leave a comment that I will be engaging in many battles the next day and if they don’t vote for me I will tell a certain group they posted that cartoon on their blog. They will be so angry they will vote no just to teach me a lesson. Maybe I won’t do this one. They might be so scared of that group like CNN that they will vote yes in sheer terror.

Well now I have to go and surf for six days so I can get up enough credits to challenge anybody that dares to put out a challenge that day.

Onward to the bottom.

6050 spins without a win. Well hapless loser has calmed down from the euphoria created when he reached the 6000 losing spin. He is back to working on his losers party. He has added to the invitation list anyone whose blog is in the bottom twenty on Blog Explosion's Battle of The Blogs all time losers list. They deserve a pat on the back for their having reached such a high level of losing. Hapless himself hopes to stand proudly with them. Until then he can only admire them from afar. I tell you hapless is so hopless he is Presidential material. Can he continue. Will he lose forever? Did his one win in the Battle of the Blogs tarnish his perfect record?
Well Uncle Wiggly lovers if the cow doesn't get loose from the barn , scaring the cat and causing it to run away , and the house to be filled with mice. We might answer those question tomorrow on " As the World Spins"

I read in a blog this morning that the International Olympic Committee has ruled out American style football for the 2008 Summer Olympics. That means if you want to see amateurs play you have to continue to watch the Packers.
Betty is now painting a river on our mountain. I have this great entry I'm working on but its about a deer and I'm afraid it might end up like the drunken canary blog. I looked for guidance but only 7 people have taken my poll. That's not much help.
Betty went to therapy and the therapist decided that since she has made so little progress and her medicare won't pay for any more that she should discontinue therapy. She did stop and get eggs though so the trip wasn't wasted. I went to blog explosion and did some research. The bottom at the moment is position 2709. For me to get there I would have to lose 244 battles without a win. That assumes the guy on the bottom doesn't lose any more. At 10 credits a loss that's 2440 credits.
Betty is looking for a cup with M&M's in it she put down and can't find. It's probably with the car keys I couldn't find Tuesday and still haven't found. Getting old is just so much fun.
I am getting blog dizzy trying to wrack up the credits I need to start my trip to the bottom. One blog blends into the next and I keep looking for the go sign to take me to the next. This is going to be harder than I thought.
In any case after a hard day of bloging I need a breathing treatment.


Anonymous lydia said...

Sounds like you're on to a real loser there! Well done. All your suggestions seem very sound if you are to lose against everyone. All I can add is maybe the clever use of swastikas? Some Nazi content is bound to enrage someone, right? The burning American flag is genius, remember your core audience on Blog Explosion.

Anyway, when it is up and running I promise not to vote for it ;)

9:28 AM  
Anonymous MsShad said...

It's poll, not pole! Unless of course... you're wanting more than 7 people "taking" your ... ahem... "pole".

10:15 AM  
Anonymous jan said...

I went back to BOTB. Won over a pretty good blog. Lost to one that suggested we call President Bush and explain why we shouldn't be in war.

Is there a 12 step program for BOTB?

12:27 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Hahahaha.. you crack me up as always :-)

I took the poll, 'cause I love venison stew. And chili. And steak. Yum!!

The insurance option I almost checked, because I've had deer jump right out in front of my motorcycle - yeah, scary. Another reason that they make great stew.

1:26 PM  

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