Wednesday, February 15, 2006

A Chance to Say Goodbye

Saying for the day: Some things are better left not said so don't say them.
-----I was paging through one of those catalogues that come in the mail with ever greater frequency (up from two a week to three a day) when I came across a beautiful little plaque. It had inscribed on it words that would bring tears to your eyes no matter how tough you are. The part that really got me was that the writer of the words didn’t get to say goodbye to the person who died. He never got the chance to tell him or her how much he loved them. Well that set me to thinking. Just about every Monday I reach a point where I know I won’t live until Tuesday. I think its because I have to eat all the leftovers from Sunday because Betty is on a diet and I’m the only other person here. Since on Monday I know I’m going to die shouldn’t I call my kids and let them say goodbye . Isn’t it my duty as a loving parent to keep them out of the poem. If I did it would go something like this.

Monday: I just finished the last of Sunday’s ham along with some left over potatoes. I had part of the ham for breakfast. So now I feel so rotten I know I’ll never make it through the night.
6:30 I call my three kids. One at a time.

KID : Hello

This is your dad I’m going to die tonight and I want to say goodbye and I love you.

Oh no! Do you have cancer.

No. But I'm going to die tonight and I want you to have a chance to say goodbye.

You having a heart attack ?

No. But I'm going to die tonight. I know it.I want to say goodbye and I love you.

Gee thanks Dad. I love you too: Goodbye

6:45 The Pastor shows up called by the kid that’s farthest away. It takes an hour to convince him I’m not thinking of killing myself. That kid always did jump to conclusions. I feel bad that the Pastor got called out. I remember the time when I was pastoring that I got called out at 2:00 in the morning only to find that this drunken lady wanted me to throw out her boy friend. But that’s another story.

9:30 The doorbell rings. I knew we should have given the kids a key. I stumble to the door after taking off my oxygen mask. There two of them stand , my oldest son and my daughter with the degree in psychology. They have commitment papers in hand. It takes two hours to convince them I’m not nuts. Betty enjoys it all. Besides those are Wisconsin papers and this is Michigan. In the morning they go home. I lost two hours of oxygen and feel lousy all day but not like dying.

Following Monday: Ate all the pie and cake left over from yesterday with a little ice cream thrown in. I know I am going to die. Just maybe the pie for breakfast was a bit much. Now what should I do. I remember the poem. I call the kids.


Hi I know I’m going to die tonight and I wanted to give you a chance to say goodbye .

Oh, not again dad! I love you too. Goodbye.

I don’t hear any more from them. But at least they got a chance to say goodbye.

Following Monday. Today I am so sick I can’t remember what I ate. If I don’t die tonight I’ll live for ever. So , because of the poem I call my kids. I get only answering machines. Imagine not one of my three kids is home. I call until I have to go to bed.
You can’t tell an answering machine your going to die. It doesn’t care and it can’t say goodbye.

The Next Monday: Despite the fact that I am going to die I don’t try to call my children but go searching for the blog that teaches you how to fool caller ID’s. Come on!. I have to find a way to give them a chance to say Goodbye. Don’t I?

5750 spins without a prize. Today our hapless loser found a new way to lose. Because of his guaranteed cash experience he has taken to playing these lotto tickets every day as well as spinning the slots wheel. At the end of the first ten tickets he is told he has been given ten more tickets. (wow how good is that) So he starts but they only give him five more chances (he counted them). He was cheated out of five chances to win a million. Life is unfair. He wants all ten of his chances . So he clicks in again and they tell him he has had his chances for the day. Its all most enough to make him take up growing flowers and to get off the computer. Tune in tomorrow and see if hapless decides to quit spinning and grow orchids on " As The World Spins" nominated for an early morning Clinker.

I was sitting looking at my form 1099-R when the thought occurred to me that the ELCA may have broken the law. There must be some kind of law against filing incorrect 1099-R forms. It was probably pushed by the ELCA to protect poor little workers from big uncaring corporations. The ELCA does things like that. Even if there is no law the form they sent says the ELCA broke the law since they were required by law to withhold 20% and according to this form they didn't even withhold 10% .I wonder if I call the government office and work my way through the phone buttons I'll finally hear " To report national church agencies sending out forms with proof of law breaking push ..." and Bishop I'm still not laughing.For a little ELCA parable click here
Betty had two of the potatoe pancakes I made yesterday for breakfast. She warmed them in the microwave. My pancakes are so good they still taste wonderful rewarmed.
Betty took the car to get the tires rotated and went to her bible study, both at the same time. Didn't I tell you she was a super women. I wanted to get her a super costume but she wants to keep her super powers secret, so please don't tell anybody.
My computer hating sister who hates the President called to tell me she wasn't going hunting with any Republicans. That's good to know because I don't think they would be safe around her particularly if they supported the President. She also couldn't understand why the ELCA doesn't just send me the right form. Now that is a good question and I don't have an answer.
I made two calls concerning billings on the credit card. The people I talked to were helpful and agreed I shouldn't have been charged . They also promised to refund the money. I saved $45. Sometimes people are willing to correct their mistakes.
Got a letter from the ELCA that we thought might be the corrected form but it was just information on how they had changed some rules to make it even harder for me to get out the money I didn't put into the monthly pension. They got that out fast enough.
Betty and I went to the basement to start cleaning. We threw out a kid's pool and an air matress with a hole in it.(What were we saving them for?) Then we got so cold we fled back upstairs.
Betty went back to work on the mountain only to find out that the first module was now stuck to the second. She had to break them apart. I told you she was a super woman.
Well again there are many more dull things that happened on this day. So many that all the dull blogs in all this dull world couldn't hold them. I , on the other hand need a breathing treatment.


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