Fast Forward from Ralph

Saying for the day- Cold is a relative term . My relatives are really cold.

This is a slightly altered e-mail forward from my friend Ralph.

Temperature -Yooper style

60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in The UP plant gardens.


50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Crystal Falls sunbathe.


40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in The UP drive with the windows down.


32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Hancock gets thicker.


20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in The UP throw on a flannel shirt.


15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in The UP have the last cookout before it gets cold.


Zero:
People in Miami all die.
The Yoopers close the windows.


10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico
People in The UP get out their winter coats.


25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in The UP are selling cookies door to door.


40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in The UP let the dogs sleep indoors.


100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
The Yoopers get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.


460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in The UP start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?"


500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
The UP public schools will open 2 hours late

@@@@ News from Pigeon Falls– The little town in my garage where the trains still run, dragons fly, and it is cold– It was 30 below zero yesterday in Pigeon Falls. The milk train came in late as some of the farmers had trouble with milking equipment freeze ups. The consolidated school and the grade school both closed. Tommy, the undertaker’s kid, is afraid that if the dragon hasn’t already died from the cold this is going to kill him. Mrs. Trumble said she hopes so. It certainly is colder than where those two demons came from.
The cold doesn’t seem to bother Nancy. She still looks like she is floating on a cloud. Of course, in this weather if people do go out they have to stop and warm up over a good cup of coffee. Tommy, the writer, stops in to the coffee shop often and one doesn’t think for a moment that it’s the saffron buns that bring him back. Although he has developed a real liking for them.
One of the water pipes at Jack’s Sauna froze and burst during the night. The mess was sort of pretty to look at . There were icicles in all kinds of shapes . Jack is a take charge kind of guy and heated up the sauna then did some plumbing. By noon he was back in business. He did a lot of business because the sauna was a good place to get the –30 degree chill out of your bones.
Eino said he doesn’t mind the –30 degree temperature but all those kids playing in front of his garage was a bit distracting. With school being closed because of the cold you would think they would stay in the house.
One of the snowmobilers had to be rushed to Marquette with severe frostbite. The Doc said he will be lucky if he doesn’t lose part of his nose and a piece of an ear not to mention a couple of toes. One knows they hauled that vehicle all the way from lower Michigan and they want to use it but there is such a thing as common sense. On the other hand that may not apply to all snowmobilers.
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Today's link-Contemplations of an Ordinary World - So what are you reading? Leave the usual Dr. John to be read in the comment.
Slept well last night but didn't feel very good today. I had a hard time breathing so I got almost nothing done. Betty feels sick too. It may be the next stage of whatever it is we have. Now I need a breathing treatment.
GBYA