Sunday, August 27, 2006

Grief step four

Saying for the day: Grief hurts.

Today and every Sunday for the next six Sunday’s we are looking at the steps in the grief process as described by Pastor Granger Westberg. These steps are:
1. Shock
2. Emotion
3. Depression
4. Physical pain
5. Fear or panic
6. Guilt
7. Anger
8. We function poorly
9. The breaking in of hope
10. The start of the new life

Soon after the grief process begins, while we are still in depression, we are likely to begin to physically hurt.
Our body hurts.
Our joints hurt.
Our chest may feel tight.

Often people don’t think of this as part of the grief process.
They feel sure that something is very wrong with them.
They go to the doctor he finds no physical cause for the pain.

Some people at this point think their doctor is lying because they have some life ending disease.
They worry and become even more depressed.

Here it helps if the Doctor understands that the person is grieving and helps them to see that the pain is caused by the grief.

It is real pain and it has a real cause.

As one works through the grief process the pain will diminish and finally leave.

During this entire period one needs to remember that God has not left us, and we will move on to a better day.

News from Pigeon Falls– the little town in my backyard where little old ladies carry shotguns and know how to use them– Well the mystery of the missing stuffed rabbits has been sort of solved. Now every time there is a White Rabbit sighting one finds a stuffed rabbit where the White Rabbit was. Mrs. Trumble says this proves the White Rabbit is evil. It steals. There is nothing worse than a big rabbit in a pink sweater that steals. Somebody else suggested that it might just be lonely. One of the tourists thought the White Rabbit just felt sorry for the stuffed rabbits being stuck in a closet and thus rescued them. If that’s the case he succeeded because the people finding the rabbits are not giving them back. They have already become collector’s items. The city is making no attempt to get them back.
Our dragon made another appearance last night. He flew down the main street during the big street dance. The Dorothy Heralds went right on playing as if this was and everyday occurrence for them. During a break the lead guitarist said that perhaps they should change their name to the Dragon Heralds.
The spouse carrying race took place yesterday afternoon. This year there were only eighteen entries and unlike last year no wives tried carrying their husband. Jon Bergall tried to carry his wife Donna but as he was going through the big kiddy pool filled with mud he slipped and dumped her. She said he did it on purpose and now they aren’t speaking to each other. This was a race that is supposed to bring husband and wife closer together. The winner this year was Eino Thorseon and his wife Blanch. They did the whole course in 15 minutes. They sure look thrilled when they were announced as the winners.

Link for today:Purple Women - a bit different-Remember to put the words Dr. John in the comment so you can rescue some lonley JCPOINTS. Check your total HERE.
The name chosen yesterday was Peter. If it is drawn today he gets what's in the PRIZEBOX.
Betty will draw whwn she gets up.

Betty is up. I have cut yesterday's slips into the basket.

Betty draws and.....

The name drawn isCatch . Sorry Peter (Sorry Bree) if Catch is drawn tomorrow she gets whats in the PRIZEBOX.
WE had a good day today. It was wonderful outside. We got the entrance to the amusment park in place, cleaned up the extra track and boxes. Fixed some of the track. Met our new neighbor. Cleared rocks that came from our moutain off of the track. Cut back some weeds. Put in a new little pond. And we found out that we have someone coming to see the house tomorrow. It was a very good day. But now I need a breathing treatment.


Blogger Margaret said...

Thank you Dr. John. -M

6:33 AM  
Blogger QuillDancer said...

Dr. John, too bad Peter didn't win. That would have at least solved the postage problem.

7:48 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

Spouse carring race!! What an idea. I'd probably be carried as far as the mud and then dumped in. Naturally, I wouldn't speak to him for months but he'd think he was in heaven..

7:55 AM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

I learned something about grief today.

I agree with Quilldancer, if Pete would have won, we coud pick up thee prize box along with some more of your boxes you want to move.

7:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Doc John,
Thanks for mentioning us. Link of the Day is a really neat blog trick. I may borrow thhe idea! It is so nice to have new visitors who are generous enough to leave a comment. You have a loyal following.

On grief. I used to work at a hospice, which is quality of life at the end of life. Not only does hospice (can be profit or non-profit) help people die well, they tend to the whole family with support during the grieving process and pre-grieving (before death). A very worthy concept, much needed. I wanted to add that one of the counselor's I worked with had developed a concept of the "grief closet".

Much like our regular closets, some are messier than others. Her theory was that depending on how well you addressed your grief and allowed yourself to experience it (instead of stuff it in your closet), sorta predicts how well you will handle it when a later loss (could be a pet dying) occurs. New losses trigger old grief.

Just thought I would share her wisdom here. I plan to be a hospice volunteer some day. There is quite a rigorous training. It's something to aspire to. I like kids just fine, just don't have any of my own. I adore old people.

Like what you're doing here with your blog.

Purple Woman (childfree!)

8:32 AM  
Blogger Catch said...

I am enjoying your posts on the grief process.

Thanks for drawing my name!!! Hopefully it will get drawn tomorrow too!You and Betty Have a great Sunday

9:55 AM  
Blogger Janvangogh said...

Dragon Heralds. Yep, I can picture Matt saying something like that.

10:12 AM  
Blogger Doll House Stories said...

Hi from Crazy object B. Maya will have a X-ray tommrow please hope for the best.

11:12 AM  
Blogger bazza27 said...

The spouse carrying race conjured up some lovely images, thank you for that. The winners took 15 minutes, are you allowed to use wheelbarrows?

11:18 AM  
Blogger Annette Burkett said...

Thank you so much for my prize Dr. John. Thank you too Betty. It brought a huge smile to my face when I saw the package in the mail. I totally agree with the comment you left.

11:29 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

I had not previously known that this was actually part of the grief process.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Patrick said...

Wife carring race huh? That would be an intersting event. Why do women always feel like we purposely dump them when we dump them maybe just maybe it realy was an oops. (or not)

10:26 PM  
Anonymous Imbi said...

I was amazed when I found this blog.
Prizes for commenting?

Then I saw your entry for grieving.. and so many people not commenting on the subject.

Grieving is a "chaotic" process.
Some people start with feeling numb before going into the rest.
And the rest is a mishmash of.. well...everything.
The reaction of a person depends upon past experiences. How did other people go through the process? (learning through models) and how did you go through painful experiences yourself?

Not everyone goes through emotions like; anger. Not everyone feels quilt, fear or panic.
It's just how the person is.

I've seen hundreds of people after their children died, and I can say that I'm more inclined to use a procesdescription of:
-random emotions and painful thoughts
-desire for understanding and organisation
-testing ones own emotions on how others feel/felt in a similar situation
-integration of the whole experience in one's own lifehistory and personality/identity.

All emotions in our life have a physical component, even when we're not aware.
We have facial expressions, bodily posture and motion, and even internal processes, like those of the metabolic system that accompany certain emotions.
So it's only natural we exprience pain, muscle weakness or stiffness etc during a time of grief, especially early in the process.
We have the desire to be with the person who died, to hold him or her. Parents of died babies often have pain in their arms.

Staging the process in the above way enables a faster acessment of problems in the grieving process.

With a special word of caution for those people who state that no-one can understand their pain and grief.
We all have a desire to be unique, but creating an island to live and grief on is always a signal this person wants loads of attention because something is the matter. It's a paradoxical situation, because the extra attention keeps their problem into excistence.

Sharing grief is a gift to others.
What a pity most people walk round another block of buildings just not to be confronted with tears...

Good luck with your prize festival.

12:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Imbi - ditto on the comments comment. Not the easiest subject to focus on. Unless you've gone through it, you'd probably rather not talk about it.

In the Jewish tradition, one that I admire though am not apart of, they have formalized it within the community. There is a code to follow, they call it sitting shiva (shivah or shiv'a).

Generally, you do not visit just after the loss of a loved one, the thought being that the loss is inconsolable and that is the darkest time. Days later, family and friends come and visit, often bringing food -- but are careful not to stay too long. Never performed on the Sabbath, and there's a lot more rules to follow. If you're curious (like me) visit Wikihow on the subject.

7:09 AM  
Anonymous imbi said...

Hello Teri.

Thank you.
The link was very interesting.

It makes clear that traditions make things easier for people. Not the pain of grief, but what to expect from people and how to behave.

I recognised things like making mirrors invisible.


7:13 AM  

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