Saturday, April 01, 2006

Hitting the Bottle

Saying for the Day: Banging on a ketchup bottle is good for your mental health.
They( those meddlers out there) are trying to take away all the things that help us to handle life.
Lets say your upset with the kids. Your not allowed to hit them. The family frowns on kicking the dog to let off steam. So what do you do.
You take it out on some inanimate object. Lets say a ketchup bottle. The ketchup doesn’t come out ( does it ever) so you turn it upside down and pound on the bottom. This relieves tension and sometimes results in a stress reducing mess. You can’t pay for better therapy than that.
But now the people at Cnet News .Com want to end it. They will send you to a blog where it tells you the right way to get ketchup out of a bottle. This blog is complete with scientific explanations of why it is wrong to bang on the bottom of the bottle.
With science on their side they call for us to turn the bottle on its side and daintily tap it from below. They assure us that this will work.
Well it may get the ketchup out in an orderly fashion but it won’t handle the anger or the stress, It won’t keep the poor dog from getting kicked. It is good science but another bad idea.
Pretty soon those idiots in Washington will hear about it and we’ll get the 2007 ketchup law. It will make it illegal in a public place to pound the ketchup bottle on the bottom.
Then they will go after us in the home. They will want our kids to turn us in.
“Yes your honor. My father hit the ketchup bottle with his fist on the bottom”.
They have to look out for us you know. Think how many innocent table cloths they will save. Think of the money.
It will be years before they discover the relationship of the sudden outgrowth of mental illness and the ketchup law.
When the law comes we need to take to the streets. Thousands of us need to stand together and turn the streets red with ketchup. Resist the fascist ketchup police.
I say don’t vote for anybody that would keep us from hitting the bottle.

7850 spins without a win. Yesterday old Hapless got an e-mail from GOOGLE INT. which said,"
You have therefore been awarded a lump sum pay out of One million (1,000,000.00) euros,". Wow, Old Hapless finally won something. Right away he sent off a note to the E-mail address given for a response. Sadly it was returned as a non-existent e-mail address. It must have been an April Fools joke. Poor Hapless there goes his million.
Well Uncle Wiggly lovers if GOGGLE INT. doesn't contact Hapless again with the right address giving him the million and thus causing him to quit blogging forever. We will be back tomorrow with "As the World Spins'.

A rather dull Sunday. Betty went to church and I hope by next Saturday to be able to go. I did some blogging and some walking. The legs are coming back llittle by little. My sister called which made me nervous because I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing. ( I'm an expert at that.) My son Peter called . It was a good conversation. Well I need a breathing treatment.


Anonymous TC said...

I agree. Those squeezy bottles are for wimps.

Ketchup bottles apart, I find a Mexican Hat Dance on the hat of your Tax Inspector works off a lot of energy and stress.

Although it does have it's consequences...

11:14 AM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Thanks for bringing my attention to this very important matter! This is serious and something needs to be done! ;)

12:05 PM  
Blogger Catch said...

I say throw the ketchup bottle across the kitchen and splatter it all over the it up is great therapy for getting rid of anger. Or better yet..leave it on the walls...people will know not to mess with you!

2:22 PM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

I have been abusing the ketchup bottles for years but this is because I do not like ketchup....don't tell anyone.

5:40 PM  
Anonymous terry said...

I kind of like the squeeze bottles. When they make those fartlike sounds you can look at the person doing the sqeezing and say "Why Mary! or whatever their name might be. I laugh and that helps to reduce stress too - although it might increase the stress for the person who did the sqeezing, especially if it's at a restaurant.

7:36 PM  
Blogger Sister Chris said...

that's funny about what you said about our sister--yes we are all careful not to say the wrong thing!! or give too much information either!! hahaha
I have a new post on little orleans!
Chris and George

11:44 AM  
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12:41 AM  

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