Sunday, March 26, 2006

Almost a body !!!

Saying for the day: You can never tell where you are going to find a body.
I read where somebody in Las Vegas found a body under the bed in his hotel room. It reminded me of the time in my ministry I thought I found a body in the closet of the church.
When the Intern, the Secretary, and I came in that morning we found that someone had gone through the nursing home Christmas gifts. We felt that it was probably one of the Confirmands. We blamed them for everything.
That’s when I decided I needed a book from the corner closet.
Now our church didn’t have a lot of storage so the closet was used for books, quilts, junk, and an old carpet.When I went to get the book I first tried to kick the carpet out of my way ( I was in a hurry).
Suddenly a leg popped out of the carpet.
Now seminary had not prepared me for this. (Not that it prepared me for much of anything in the parish)
So I did what any reasonable pastor would do.
I went and got the intern from the office. I told him I thought there was a body in the closet and would he check it out. What are interns for if not to check on bodies?
He came running back saying that the body was sitting up and it had a knife. The secretary called the police.
The intern and I watched the closet door (The closet was on the other end of the fellowship hall). Suddenly the door opened and out came this wild apparition. He had on several suit coats, an overcoat, a wing tipped shoe, and a swamper.(a boot) He was holding a very large knife.
That’s when the policeman arrived. Then I really got scared. He had trouble getting his gun out of his holster. I thought he was going to shoot himself in the foot. But eventually he got it out and ordered our guest to put down his knife. Which he promptly did.
It seems he had spent the night in the church using the carpet for a bed. He had opened an eaten all the candy in the Christmas packages. He had also lifted a few pair of socks and some powder.
If he had checked in the office we would have put him up at a motel and paid for a good meal at the local restaurant. We would have arranged for St. Vincent De Paul to provide some new boots that matched. So we didn’t press charges. The policeman took him to the edge of town and turned him loose.
We kept the knife.
I always was a little nervous about that closet after that.

7500 spins without a prize. Old hapless has been thinking about luck lately. He wonders why some people always win and some always lose. Shouldn't there be some kind of uinversal law that makes it average out. After thousands of loses shouldn't old hapless get a win. Perhaps he isn't entering enough contests.
Well Uncle Wiggly lovers if old hapless doesn't find another bunch of contests to enter and thus have no time to blog. We will be back tomorrow with another adventure of " As the World Spins"

Betty went to Church. When she came home I walked (hoped) with the walker from the lift chair to the bathroom. That's twice as far as yesterday. My computer hating sister called. She wanted me to take a bath for the legs. So I went back to the bathroom and wiggled into the walk in tub. It was wonderful. The first bath since I fell. But , of course, when I pushed the button for the water jets the fuse blew. There I sat in a tub full of hot water in the dark. Betty finally heard me calling and reset the fuse. Life was good again. Well I need a breathing treatment.


Anonymous loisontheweb said...


Let out a prolonged, bloodcurdling scream, & slam the door shut ... pile a ton of heavy stuff against the door.
By that time, everyone within a mile would have converged upon the scene.
But, the guy in the closet would have died of fright being startled by that scream.

6:26 AM  
Anonymous TC said...

Well that one turned out pretty well in the end.

A friend of a friend of mine was working in Brazil some years back. She had her car stolen, and promptly reported this to the Police.

Some two days later, the Police 'phoned her to tell her they had located her car. They picked her up and took her out of town to the stretch of roadside where the car had been dumped.

Not being very thorough nor diligent, the Police blamed it all on joyriders and told her that she could drive the car away.

She insisted they search the car before handing it over to her, just in case.

Well, when they opened the boot (trunk), what did they find but a body...and a very dead one at that.

This displeased the police greatly because of all the paperwork they would now have to complete, but it did relieve the young lady no end.

What if she had driven off with the body, then found it hours or even days later? She would then have been right in the frame as a suspect!

The thought also crossed her mind that it might even have been the Police who had done it, and had tried to frame her to deflect the blame.

Brazil = Wild West
Brazilian Police = Cowboys
Unsuspecting motorist = Jail Bait

(A nasty simultaneous equation)

7:46 AM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

I told Pete not to take the knife with him whne I kicked him out!

12:08 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

In Detroit, that guy would've eaten a few bullets.

Glad to hear that you're getting stronger every day, Doc! :-)

4:17 PM  
Blogger The Center of the Universe said...

Sir John! A good hot bath does wonders for the soul, does it not? And I am so confident you will be rejoining the biped race very soon. Take care as well as your time. I know you've still got a few things to do yet.

5:42 PM  
Anonymous terry said...

Almost a Body ? I'm glad that when you pressed the button on the tub only the fuse blew and the lights went out. It would have been terrible to have had a short in the wire and for Betty to have found a body in the tub. I wonder what the guy in Vegas thought when he found the body under his bed! I have heard that it's not uncommon to find bodies on the subway and in busses in New York when they get to the end of the run. Seems everyone else thinks they're sleeping. I'm glad your episode at the church ended on a positive note.

7:12 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

I think I would have been VERY wary of the closet after that!

1:15 AM  

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