Saturday, March 04, 2006

My First Naked Lady ! Sort of:

Saying for the Day: If you've seen one naked lady you've seen em all.
Click here for essential background information.
Well I promised you a look at my priceless artifacts and today it begins.

Required warning. This will exceed the limits of dull. Nothing in the entire universe can be duller than the life of a Lutheran Pastor. Note this warning will not be repeated at the display of future artifacts.

The first artifact dug from deep within the box is a playing card (a rather strange artifact for a pastor)

It is old and the picture on it is badly faded but if we look close we can see it is a picture of a naked lady. ( a really strange artifact for a Lutheran pastor)

The card is from my childhood . It is there to remind me of the first girl I ever saw naked. (the card doesn’t count. The women is old and kind of ugly)

The card was part of a deck my dad had hidden in a drawer I was never supposed to go into. I never did while he was home. But when he and my mother were out I used to look at that deck. Finally I took one card. My dad never missed it.

You see in my house nobody walked around naked. You dressed and undressed in private . That’s the way it was in those days. I never saw my mother naked. I never saw my sister naked. She had a drape as a door to her room but I never got brave enough to look.

When I was nine years old I was at my Aunt Doris’s camp with my cousin John who was eight and one half. But he came from the big city and had seen five girls naked. I know because he told me. He knew what to do when you were naked too and I didn’t. I wouldn’t ask him though because I was older and should know that stuff.

There we were when Johnny told me there was a knothole in the sauna wall and we could see my cousins Kay and Carol taking a sauna with no swimsuits on. Wow.

We were on our way to the knothole when my Aunt Doris caught us. She knew what we were up to and she had us chop some wood. By the time we finished the girls were back in their swimsuits .Not at all the way it should have gone.

When I was ten I was in our cabin with Margaret . It was our cabin because we built it out of cardboard , ourselves. It was in the woods behind her parents chicken coop ( everybody had a chicken coop in those days). It overlooked the railroad track on the open end. The end was open because we ran out of cardboard.

Margaret lived just up the road from my Grandmother. Well she lived across the road from the neighbor that lived across the garden from Gram ( she lived close to Gram)

We were the best of friends. I told her everything. She told me everything. It was kind of wonderful.

One day I told her about me and Johnny and how I had never seen a girl naked. She looked at me and said. “I’ve never seen a boy naked.

Then there was silence. Then Margaret ( I swear it was Margaret’s idea) said “Let’s do it”.

She started taking off her clothes and I of course followed. ( I was a follower even then)

Soon we sat there on our wooden box seats with out a stitch of clothing.
It was wonderful. Neither of us had the slightest idea of what to do next but I’m sure we would have figured it out.

It was right at that moment the train came by (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it)

We were sure the engineer saw us. We dressed so fast your head would spin. We ran. She ran home. I ran to Grams.

I don’t think she told anybody but Gram said I wasn’t allowed to play with her any more. I think they found my underwear . I dressed awfully fast.

I got a lecture about treating other girls the way I wanted boys to treat my sister. But gee! I hadn’t hit her or anything.

If it had happened today I probably would have been thrown in jail as some kind of pervert. Margaret was only nine and a half.

In this age where a six year old gets thrown out of school for touching a girls behind ( sexual harassment the school said) . I would have been doomed.

I don’t know what happened to Margaret. I suppose she got married and has grand kids. She was a good friend.

Anyway I saw a naked girl. I remember it. I keep the card to remind me.

The wife I have now says I should throw the card away before my grandchildren see it.

But they wouldn’t dig in my private box of artifacts would they?

Not my grandchildren.

6450 more losing spins. If old hapless had put in a nickel each time he spun that slot machine he would now be out $322.50. That's a lot of nickels. If he had been playing with quarters he would be out $1612.50. And of course if he was putting in dollar tokens he would be out $6450.00. You can bet his wife is glad that he doesn't live near a casino. The other day he saw an add for a UP casino . It was offering Prime Rib for $7.77 . He suggested that prime rib would be nice but the wife knew what he really wanted. There is no way she is letting him near those machines.
Well Uncle Wiggly lovers if Hapless doesn't slip out when his wife isn't looking and lose all of his children's inheritance plus this computer. We will be back tomorrow with another exciting chapter of " As the World Spins"

The day is not starting well. Betty talked to Pennie last night and Peter and family aren't coming up today. That means that either I struggle to put that table together or it lies in pieces in the living room until next week end.
Got to play the telephone game with a phone salesperson in the morning. That's the game where the first one to hang up loses. She only lasted 2 minutes and I won. I wouldn't let her make her pitch till she gave me her home phone number . She of course wouldn't give it and finally hung up in disgust. I don't lose often.
We spent most of the day putting that stupid table together. The electric screwdriver would only put the screw so far in and then it made funny noises. After that it was pure arm power of which neither of us has much. Now it sits upside down in the living room waiting for the legs to be put on. Betty says it will wait until tomorrow.
We went to Church. We needed to go to church. We should always go to church after we work together. The sermon needs to be on living the Chistian life. It was.
We went grocery shopping.( Its not funny but its what we did)
Now I need a breathing treatment.


Anonymous L.C. said...

Thank you so much for the kind comment you left on my site. It is very sad to visit my mother's nursing home and hear from the nurses that many of the residents haven't had visitors in months. It's one reason why my sister and I try to talk to them when we're there, even if they can't respond.

I like your site very much. I'm going to come back and read more later. Have a wonderful day.

11:00 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

In case you did not know, your son is as good a mind reader as he is a blogger. Actually, we both cannot remember saying we were coming up this weekend so sorry about the confusion. We hope to be up next weekend as Breanna's spring break starts then. Hide the artifact box!....Lori

4:32 PM  

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