Kill Bambi! Please kill Bambi

Saying for the day: I don't care how many of your roses they eat you can't shoot deer out of season.
----Yesterday , on my way home, I saw a dead deer in the snowbank by the road.

I was so happy I almost lost control of the car.

The birds were doing their job and cleaning up after the car that hit him. That seemed like a fitting end.

I was sorry that I wasn't the one to hit him.

That's one deer that won't be eating my flowers.

When I was a kid I went to see the movie Bambi.
I fell in love with the little deer.

When my dad would go deer hunting, which he did every year, I would be very sad.
When he actually shot a deer, which wasn’t very often I was even sadder.

I promised myself I would never hurt Bambi.

Forget it. If I had a gun, which I don’t, I would be tempted to break the law and shoot any deer I see at any time of the year.

I am the only person who , on seeing a deer crossing the road, speeds up in the hopes of hitting it.
Trust me I no longer love Bambi.

Why this change of heart you may ask (and you should).

What changed you from a kind , concerned, person to a raving deer hater?

My railroad garden, that’s what !

I have a garden railroad.

It is an elevated garden railroad sitting 2 1/2 feet above the lawn. It is elevated because my arthritis and my lung condition keep me from bending over and working with a train on the ground.

On this elevated railroad ( G scale) I have buildings and my wife has plants which she loves. We live two blocks from down town Crystal Falls ( if you can call our downtown a downtown). You would think we would not have a deer problem.

You would be thinking wrong.

We soon discovered that deer love our plants. My wife plants them. They come and eat them.

To do this they have to cross main street and get by my neighbor’s dog. But this does not bother them.

Whatever my wife plants they eat. This is not to say they are not particular about what they eat.

They don’t eat the stems, only the blossoms and the buds.

We have yet to see a Rose in bloom but we have seen lots of buds and stems.

Now, I wouldn’t really care about their eating the flowers.

I mean its Bambi after all and they have to live too.

The only problem is they aren’t satisfied with the flowers along the outside .

No they have to jump up the two and one half feet knocking over my houses and bending my track.

That is an unforgivable act.

It is an act of war.

I will defend my village and track right of way to the bitter end.

So how do you fight a deer when you can’t shoot them and when you come from a family in which the hunters almost always missed when they tried anyway. You can’t ask for help from the government because they don’t care about your war unless the DNR catches you shooting one of those monsters.

So we tried smelly stuff. It comes in a bottle guaranteed to keep deer out of your garden.

It doesn’t. I think they came because of the smell. I think it attracted them. I think the stuff is bottled and sold by people who are keeping the deer out of their garden by having them come to mine.

Next we tried an electric thing. You put this smelly stuff in it and the deer thinks it’s a flower but when it try's to eat it , bam it gets a shock.

The deer didn’t fall for it. I think we should have used the other smelly stuff . You know the one that’s supposed to keep them away.

Now in desperation we bought a device from “ Whatever Works” that was guaranteed to keep all large animals like Lions, Tigers, and Hippopotamuses out of the garden. It was also supposed to keep out small animals like dogs , cats , and rabbits.

It worked exactly as advertised. I haven’t seen a dog or a rabbit in a year. There hasn’t been a single Lion, Tiger, or hippopotamus either, not even when the circus was in town.

But deer seemed to enjoy the high pitched noise and they kept eating the flowers. I swear they danced to it.

Now I am desperate. Back I go to “Whatever Works” This time I buy a device that has a motion sensor and attaches to a hose. The idea is when the deer comes it hits him or her with a blast of water and drives them away. I had to run a fifty foot hose to the only outside water facet we have but to get rid of the deer it would be worth it.

Did it work ? No, our deer now, not only had a free lunch they also got a drink during and afterward. We were the best deer restaurant in town. Nobody else served water with the flowers.

But this is winter and we have no flowers.

But they keep coming.

They come through snow to deep for me to walk in. They come when I can't get the car out of the garage.

At first I couldn't understand why ? Then I figured it out.

They were showing new deer the best eating place in town.

They were teaching them the dance steps.

They were getting one last wonderful wiff of that smelly stuff.

So I have reached the end of my rope.

If this blog suddenly ceases to be published it will be because I am in jail for beating Bambi to death with my crutch and they won’t let me have my laptop .

@@@
6400 stupid spins without a win. Curse you Iwon.com. Hapless is feeling bad today. He has another loser he wants to invite to his party. She was on NBC's Deal or No Deal show. She is a pastor. She wanted to win some money for her congregation and her mother. She was offered some pretty good money. She let greed take over (and her a pastor) and ended up with $5.00.
Hapless so wanted her to get big money. Now she has joined him in the loser's circle. As soon as NBC gives him her address he'll invite her to the loser's party.
Well Uncle Wiggly lovers. If the deer don't figure out how to open the automatic garage door and come in and eat Betty's dining room flowers then Hapless will be back tomorrow in another totally dull adventure of " As the World Spins"
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A warning concerning tomorrow's entry. I begin the first of deep personal revelations. My hidden life will be revealed. My cultivated image of a man with a halo will be destroyed. Plus because this is a family blog I have to tell you that the word "naked" will appear more than two times. Whatever you do don't let your children read tomorrow's blog.
I spent the morning blogging amd updating the church web page. Betty put the finishing touches on the fantasy train. Then she went to the world day of prayer at the Catholic Church. She goes to church and my prayers get answered. She brought David and a neighborhod young man home with her and they unloaded the table from the SUV. Like I've said many times there are good people in this world. Now the table sits in pieces on the living room floor waiting to be assembled. Too bad there is no service to send her to tonight.
I spent a little time working on my big comment contest which starts Monday. Only contest on the web offering a large purple dragon egg as a prize. The rest of the day was too dull for words.
I need a breathing treatment.
GBYA