Thursday, March 02, 2006

THe Hapless Loser Opera

Saying for the Day: Its not over till the fat lady sings.

I accidentally found myself watching PBS the other day ( I was channel surfing) and I saw or heard this fat lady singing opera in English.

Well as I quickly surfed on I got to thinking that the hapless loser is just the kind of material great operas are made of.

He is tragic, stupid, and doesn’t seem to know any better. The very essence of almost every opera hero for all times.

So I can imagine the Opera of the Hapless Loser.

The curtain opens on a fat lady at center stage.

She sings. “ He spun “.
Of course she doesn’t sing “He spun” . She sings “ Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee were the es go up and down a lot and spppppppuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun where the u goes up and down a lot.

She is backed up by a chorus singing . Oh yes he spun and he spun and he spun, and he spun and he spun, and he spun. Operas go like that you know.

Then she sings “ And he lost” but of course again it isn’t “ And He Lost” but rather its “ annnnnnnnnnnnd heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee loooooooooooosssssssssssssst.
You know where the voice goes way up and way down.

Then the chorus sings. Yes he lost, he lost, he lost, he lost , Oh yes he lost. Although I think the final version will have a few more he losts in it.

Now there is silence and our hapless loser enters dragging this big slot machine on which is printed in Italian “” ( That's Italian for It has to be in Italian because every really good opera has a little Italian in it.

He stops center stage and our fat lady moves over gracefully. He pulls the lever on the machine.

He looks disappointed .

The chorus sings . The “He lost” refrain.

Now I don’t want to give you the whole opera because you might steal it. I intend to make a lot of money out of it.

I just might tell you that we work in Mike Holmgren losing to the Stealers which guarantees this is a tragic opera.

In the end our Hapless Loser drags his slot machine center stage .

It falls on him and he dies.

The fat lady sings.

The fat lady always sings when the hero dies.

We end with chorus and a final He lost refrain.

6350 spins and not a prize. Old hapless loser spun again today and lost, fifty times. Not only that but when he ran out of free spins and had to click on the banner to get some more he made a mistake. There was a banner with the picture of some movie star.
The banner asked the question if her psychological treatment was because of stress or romance. Well of course hapless wanted to know. The reason he blogs is to find out things like that.
But he clicked the wrong banner and found out about a treatment for dark circles under the eye instead. The banner never came up again. He will never know if it was stress or romance. That is unless the banner comes up again tomorrow.
Well Uncle Wiggly lovers if the hapless loser doesn't push the wrong banner and get stuck with black circles under his eyes forever. Then we will be back tomorrow with "As the World Spins"

Betty had to go to the eye doctor this morning which meant two wonderful things for me. I got out of the fortress and I got to drive. What a wonderful day. We went to Shop Ko to get her glasses and while we were there we bought a table to put our fantasy train on. It is solid oak and only cost $119 pus tax. ( Sorry kids we just spent some more of your inheritance.) The clerk not only carried it out and figured out how to get it into our SUV but he took the time to put my walker in as well. There still are nice people in this world.
Betty went and got her hair done and now she looks more beautiful than ever. She found out about a St. Urho's Day celebration at Trinity in Trout Creek on the 17th of March. I wonder if I could wangle an invite to read the ballot of St. Urho (the true story).
The rest of the day was dull, dull , dull.
Tomorrow I will bite the bullet and publish the Bambi blog even though Betty says I will be sorry. To avoid the problem I had with the drunken canary blog if you are a deer lover that sees all deer as cute little Bambi's please skip tomorrows blog.
Well I need a breathing treatment.


Blogger Laurie said...

Doc - you totally CRACK ME UP!!! I'm lauging my arse off, especially the Mike Holmgren comment, that was hilarious...

6:26 AM  

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