Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Fast Forward from Ralph 3

Saying for the day- Some things are too horrible to contemplate like sliding down a razor blade.

Another one of Ralph's forwards being shared with you.

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember ....

1. Jim Baker,Haggard and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house..

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

12. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

13. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.

@@@@-News from Pigeon Falls-the little town in my garage where the trains still run, dragons fly, and the basketball team keeps winning.-Pigeon Falls has basketball fever. It is something the town has never had before. It is hard to be excited about a team that wins, at the most, only one game in a season. You go to the tournaments knowing your going to lose. You want to believe that you can win but you know you are going to lose. But this year people in Pigeon Falls believe their team can do anything. This is the year in which legends are created. This is the year that will b e the content of stories for years to come. Now basketball is serious business. Small town basketball brings out the best and the worst in people. Last night Reinhild Rintala was screaming at the referees ( which he never did when Pigeon Falls was losing every game) when he fell out of the stands with a heart attack. Old Doc Henery gave him mouth to mouth ( lucky the Doc was still sober after that), got him on oxygen, gave him an aspirin and sent him by ambulance to Iron Mountain. While all this was going on the team won again. The first thing Reinhold asked when he woke up in the hospital room was did the team win. He is a real fan that Reinhold.
Mrs. Trumble says she has the three sets of plans from the architects for the library. There is a set for a new building, a set for a renovation of the old Plow Furniture building, and one for the expansion of Town Hall. The plans will be on display in the Town hall conference room until the next council meeting.
Tommy, the undertaker’s kid, spent some time with Mrs. Trumble on Monday evening. When asked about the visit since she and Tommy are more often antagonists than friends Mrs. Trumble said she wanted his input as a student and a former Mayor as to the new library. The dragon and the White Rabbit never even came up in the conversation. They know what not to talk about.
Nancy has copies of the architect’s drawings and the price tags on display on the bulletin board in the coffee shop. She says she is just doing her community a service.
Eino is wondering why this little town is getting so much federal aid. There was the grant for the railroad and now the grant for the library. Does it have something to do with the “occupation”. Mrs. Trumble says that you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Today's link-The Weak-Minded Pessimist- If what people do with Prophecy annoys you this is the blog for you. Please leave Dr. John in the comment.
Not a bad day today. I did a little blogging then watched my soaps. But then we left the Fortress. We went looking for the DMV and a movie theater. We were armed with maps . We , of course, got lost. It is our nature to get lost. But this was a dry run. Now when we really want to go to a movie or the DMV we know where they are. Then we went to WalMart. It has been so long since I was out that walking was hard for me. I kept running out of breath and had to stop and sit down. But it was good to walk. Then we came home and I did a little more blogging. Not on the edge of your seats exciting day but less dull than usual. Now I need a breathing treatment.


Blogger The Old Fart said...

Words To Live By Dr John, some of them were funny. You (or Ralph in this case) has a wry sense of humor.

How do you like blogger since switching?

7:02 AM  
Blogger ArtsyTartsyViray said...

Happy Valentines Day!

7:29 AM  
Blogger Janvangogh said...

So I wonder what advice Tommy gave Mrs. Trumble.

7:34 AM  
Blogger Bella said...

That was funny. Only I wish when blonde jokes are made, everyone would insert "fake blonde" because those are the ones who seem more ditsy than real ones.

Number 3 had me rolling. I've never kissed the Pope's ring but my boss...well...let's just say he is a pain in the butt and I find myself trying be on his good side, perhaps trying a little too hard. lol

9:12 AM  
Blogger Margaret said...

I love some forwards, they can put a smile on my face from time to time.

Happy Valentine's Day, Dr. John. If you celebrate it.

We're making a Strawberry Shortcake today for Daddy (Jon) and Katie is having a ball licking the batter from the beaters and bowl beside me.

9:24 AM  
Anonymous stacy said...

Happy Valentines Day! Thanks for the gift of a laugh.

10:15 AM  
Anonymous happy and blue2 said...

Ha,ha,ha..ppy Valentines Day..

5:09 PM  
Blogger Sunflower Optimism said...

A good laugh! Thank you and happy Valentine's Day!

My son's college is very much into basket ball - he's at a game right now, as a matter of fact. They canceled all classes today because of the snow storm - but the basketball game goes on!

6:28 PM  
Blogger Gary said...

Sliding down a razor blade might be a perfect way to get a close shave. :)

7:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have said it before and I will say it again...Maxine for president!!!!

Thanks for the laugh! It helped my ice cream headache!

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Quilly said...

When I am old and crochety, I aspire to be Maxine. Great fwd, Dr. John. Thanks! Happy Valentine's Day. OC never did get his roses, but there is always tomorrow.

7:47 PM  
Blogger Chana said...

Just a quick comment tonight but full of love, hugs and chocolate kisses for you and your beautiful Valentine!

your names are written across my heart forever...

love from me and all the kids.


8:40 PM  
Blogger CreekHiker said...

thanks for a good laugh! Happy V day.

8:51 PM  
Blogger Catch said...

Those were so cute Dr John. Thanks for sharing.

How smart to make a dry run. I always think about that but never do Im lucky to get there when Im supposed to be there!

It finally stopped snowing!

Happy Valentines Day to you and Betty!

11:30 PM  

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