Sunday, August 13, 2006

Grief step two

Saying for the day: Crying can be good for you!

Today and for the next eight Sunday’s we continue looking at Granger Westebergs ten steps in grieving. The ten steps are:
1. Shock
2. Emotion
3. Depression
4. Physical pain
5. Fear or panic
6. Guilt
7. Anger
8. We function poorly
9. The breaking in of hope
10. The start of the new life
This week we look at emotion.

Once the shock begins to wear off we experience some form of emotion.
The emotion helps us handle the pain we are feeling because of our loss.
When we cry we , in effect, let go of some of the hurt and we feel better.

It makes no sense then to tell people not to cry.
But we do that we say things like” Don’t cry, everything will be alright”.
Crying bothers others because they don’t want us to be hurting.
They want everything to be okay.

Oddly enough laughing releases the same thing as crying.
So often at a funeral home you will hear people laughing and might think that it is out of order. Somebody tells a joke and the laughter is out of proportion to the joke.
Pain has been released.
We need to accept that emotion, crying and laughing, is part of the process and unless we get stuck at that level it is not a bad but rather a good thing.

News from Pigeon Falls– The little town in my backyard where the trains still run– Well the last of the Liar’s contests are over and only five people made it to the finals. Thomas Petrovich, Robert Jupola, Jon and Donna Bergall, and Bill Maki. The first one will be telling a story in front of ten judges tomorrow. They will draw for placement and there will be one each day. The judges will consist of five local people and five tourists. There are people who come every year in the hope of being picked as a judge. The winner of the Lie off gets his or her name on the big liar’s trophy and gets the “Boy Can I lie” sweatshirt.
Donna Bergall really wants to beat her husband this year as he won last year.
Nancy says that Big Rudy stopped in with his wife and had a cup of tea. He has lost some weight and was very polite. She said he didn’t even seem like the same guy. She wonders what happened to him. Maybe he just got tired of being knocked down.
The White Rabbit was seen again last night out by the coaling station. Passengers on the incoming passenger train said he waved at them with one paw and winked before hopping off. They didn’t see any sign of a dragon.
Bill Maki’s cows got loose and wandered into town. They went right up main street. What a mess they left and poor Frank has to clean it all up. At least they were sober not like last year's moose .

Link for today: Regular Jo- Remember to put the words Dr. John in the comments.Check your JCPOINTS HERE .
Yesterday we drew Cindy. If Cindy is drawn today she get what's in the JCPOINTS PRIZE BOX.
So we draw and .......

the name drawn is.......

Sue. Sorry Cindy (sorry Bree) If we draw Sue tomorrow she wins what's in the prize box. Good luck Sue.
We went to church this morning. jack preached and it was a fine sermon. Jack just keeps improving. In the afternoon we worked on the garage . Pacing up some of the train things we are taking with us.Then we took down the shelving and got it ready to take. Little by little we aee moving along. Well I need a breathing treatment.


Blogger Chana said...

it's good to know that it's okay to cry..i do that often and it's great that laughing is good, i do that often too..hopefully it all evens out at the end.

i'm glad you are doing this. thank you.
i think Big Rudy is behaving because of his wife's new remote control. i hope she doesn't loose it.
good luck to the liar's contestants. Frank deserves a free cup of coffee for his efforts.
hope you are having a good wknd. i am glad everyone can appreciate your guy's trains. i'm glad the rummage sale is over. i hope it was fruitful. hope you are well. hugs all around. read you tomorrow.

4:45 AM  
Anonymous Stacy said...

I'm one of those who laughs at the most inapropriate times.

6:16 AM  
Blogger Margaret said...

Crying is very good. When my Mother In Law found out her cancer had resurfaced aggressively she was trying to remain "tough" for the family. She was really getting angry and upset and had everyone on pins and needles. One afternoon I caught her alone and said, "Go ahead, let it out - here's my shoulder." She cried for over two hours!! Some family members stopped by and tried to "comfort" her but she'd get angry and push them away while I told her, "Don't even try to tell me what is wrong or talk about what is bothering you. Just let the tears out first."

Today that is a moment that I still cherish dearly.

Take care Dr. John and keep an eye on Betty. She's working hard over there. -Margie

7:10 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

Cows going up Main Street and it wasn't even a scheduled parade. Poor Frank.
This is it, the prize box will be mine.. think positive.. think positive.. Sorry Cindy

7:29 AM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

I am glad to know laughing releases the same pain because at my grandmothers funeral, my cousin and I were laughing and then we realized where we were and stopped.

7:31 AM  
Blogger QuillDancer said...

After my grandmother died all my cousins and I got together, reminded each other of "Gram incidents" and laughed until our faces and stomaches hurt, and then we cried.

When I summered in a tiny town in Nothern Idaho (population 7) a moose came to the bar/restautant/gas station/store/bait shop/post office (yes, all one building), sat on the veranda swing and "people watched" through the window. He came about 3 times that summer. The proprietor said the moose usually dropped by one or twice a month.

8:14 AM  
Blogger Nea said...

People don't like emotion in my family, we weren't allowed to laugh that much, cry, or show affection. It was a hard way to grow up. To this day I have a hard time showing emotion. But it is there, just locked away. So sometimes the least thing that others don't find amusing, I will laugh till I cry, they wonder why.

I got a big box of books to send. Now I have to go and find that address again.

It is Sunday, day of rest, my kids don't understand that, I need to tell them,.....i guess.

Still trying to determine if the liars contest is the truth or a lie.......someone want to fill me in, or no, that is okay, just leave me wondering, it really doesn't matter I guess. I am enjoying it regardless......

glad your rummage sale did well....wish mine was over, I have been procrastinating for two years, and the junk keeps piling up. Might be easier to just move. And leave the junk here.

9:10 AM  
Anonymous Crazy Object B. said...

hey tommrow invite everyone to my blog I won't change the post someting bad happened and I want everyone to read it . Please!

11:43 AM  
Blogger Jo said...

When I'm feeling very depressed or upset, I know that if I just go ahead and let myself sink down, and then have a good crying jag, I will come out of it more quickly.

Thanks for making my blog the link of the day! I have never visited here before, but I had a bunch of comments saying that "Dr. John sent me." And I kept thinking "Who?" So of course I had to find out. But what a great blog this is! I look forward to visiting regularly.

12:02 PM  
Blogger gunngirl said...

I cry alone when I'm over whelmed, stressed, depressed or just angry. I would rather cry alone than cry in front of someone, though sometimes that can't be helped. I'm very emotional and that is a bad thing, because if someone yells at me loud I'm ready to cry. Bad if it happens at work.

I don't realize how crying helps sometimes, but it does help me think. I also talk to myself when I cry and say 'thing's are going to work out for you, just take it one day at a time' Sometimes that helps.

12:55 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Poor Frank! LOL

I was thinking of PF while getting my hair done today. I heard another stylist tell her client she was studying to be a nurse. They were talking how it is a job always in demand etc. He told her that his mom was a nurse at a mental hospital. They kept finding dead pigeons with their necks broke and they could not find out how it was happening. It went on every day. Finally someone followed a female patient who went out to feed them daily. They discovered that when they came close to her to eat she would grab them and brake their poor necks! Maybe she is Franks long lost lover! LOL!:)

1:28 PM  
Blogger QuillDancer said...

Dr. John -- all the prevaricaters have weighed in. Their 'truth deficient' tales are posted on my blog. Voting starts Monday morning. Since you are one of the contenders I am certain you will want to come by and vote for yourself as, "The Greatest Living Liar."

2:41 PM  
Blogger QuillDancer said...

The poll is up on my blog. Run over and vote for yourself as The Greatest Liar ever. Bring your friends along to vote to. Since it's a Liar's Contest we are all obviously short on integrity, so there is no limit to how many times you can vote -- or how often. Let the games begin!

9:47 PM  
Blogger butterflies said...

Thanks for the reminder.I try not to cry cos my mascara runs! and actually Id rather they say,laughter is the best medicine.
Lots of ppl cry when they come and see james and Im thinking..oh dont cry(even tho its good for you) ..all James does is to try and make ppl laugh.
Good post Dr John

10:15 PM  

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