St. Urho

Saying for the day: In the great arm wrestling match in heaven it was Urho over Patrick two out of three times.

Lowis reminded me that I have been neglectful of my duty as keeper of the Finnish tradition. I promised to post the official St. Urho ballad. I am only two days late. This is taken from the last remaining copy which I keep in my secret vault.

The Epic Ballad of St. Urho
( Dragonslayer)
translated from the original Finnish by the select committee of 4

(all rights reserved)
From the Messyneen documents discovered
March 16, 1981
Please note translation of these documents continues and further revisions are expected.
Select Committee of four consists of:
Representing the (Society tor the preservation of the Finnish Language and Culture
Dr. Thomas LeeWngdom. Visiting Professor of Linguistics, University of Turko,
Representing the Society tor the preservation of the Kalevala and other Epic Poems. Professor Urho Palomeki, University of Helsinki,
Representing The Society to Preserve the Precious Memory of St. Urho
KJ. Moiknen. Official AmerlGBn /^cultural Agent
Representing The Lutheran Church of Finland, committee on Finnish Saints, Artifacts. and other Old Things
Rev. Usea J. Linna
{ Committee of four was charged by the Finnish government with tasks of:
1 .Authenticate the documents found in the field of Mutta Mattala, Finnish farmer
2.Attempt to translate the documents using the best scientific and linguistic tools
available.
3.Revise such Finnish Epic Poems as would be indicated by the discovery.
4.Prepare scholarly defense of same to share with the academic community. ]

The Ballad of St. Urho

St. Urho stood upon the square,
His mighty staff in hand.
St. Urho stood alone that day,
He had no loyal band.

He had come right from the Mass,
In his purple robes and things,
He waits for the dragon green,
while the single church bell rings.;

He was waiting for the dragon.
Would the dragon ever come?

The people in the village,
had fled into the cave,
Leaving brave. St. Urho
to an almost certain grave.

The Dragon lived in England
A land quite far away.
It was the last one of its breed:
St. Urho Faced that day.

He was waiting for the dragon.
Would the dragon ever come?

The dragon could have feasted
Upon some cousin Jacks,
Or even eaten Irish stew
There was no food he lacked

But the Dragon's he's been spoiled,
He has a taste for Finn
To settle now for lesser folk,
Was not aright with Him.

He was waiting for the dragon.
Would the dragon ever come??

Now the channel water rises,
Hot air begins to blow.
The shadow of its mighty wings,
Pass on the ground below.

Now the air turns strangely warm,
The ground around him shook.
But the brave St. Urho
Was too afraid to look.

He was waiting for the dragon.
And now the Dragons come!

Ah! Now the battles started,
The dragons flames rain down
But St. Urho's magic shield,
Directs them to the Ground.

St. Urho Brings his mighty staff
Down on the Dragon's head.
The mighty staff breaks in two
St. Urho should have fled.

He was waiting for the dragon.
And now the Dragons come!

The Dragon lunges forward,
St. Urho he runs back
He drops his robes, his coat, his bag
He even drops a sack.

The race is on toward the cave,
St. Urho's in the lead,
He makes it to the entrance
Fore the dragon starts to feed.

He was waiting for the dragon.
And now the Dragons come!

So the Dragon eats the purple robes,
The coat, the bag, the sack
And sends a rain of fire
So they'll know he's coming back.

Since Urho's safe within the cave
his flight now homeward bends.
He didn't eat St. Urho,
And yet his hunger ends.

He was waiting for the dragon.
And now the Dragons done!

His massive stomach feels quite full
he really feels quite good
He'ill be back to eat the Saint
Like a mighty dragon should

The dragon's halfway home,
When Urho's secret weapon hits
He 'd filled his coat with pasties
And little pastie bits.

He was waiting for the dragon.
And now the Dragons done!

The Massive Indigestion brings,
Gas beyond all claims,
Causing sinister explosions
In the dragons stomach flames.

Soon, soon the Dragon plunges
He has lost control,
The explosions throw him
Into a final fatal roll.

He was waiting for the dragon.
And now the Dragons done!

It was the last English Dragon
defeated by a Finn,
He used his favorite weapon,
a pastie to the chin .

And when we wear the purple.
and when we wear the green
we remember old St. Urho
and what his life did mean.

He had waited for the Dragon
And NOW the Dragon's DONE.

When dragons come a flying,
Into your little sky,'
And you know the battle's hopeless,
just don't begin to cry.

Remember brave St. Urho,
And raise a little prayer
And Mighty old St. Urho
Will come to help you there

He had waited for the Dragon
And now the Dragon's DONE!

#### News from Pigeon Falls-The little town in my basement where the trains still run, dragons fly, and life is back to normal. On Sunday a huge crowd gathered at the gazebo to watch Luke Snowslider get his gold medal and money box as the first place winner. Barth Wader was still crying foul but the judges looked at the video of the end of he race and there was nothing even close to him when he crashed. So his protest was disallowed. The presentation was almost over when somebody cried “ He is dead! He is dead”. It seemed to come from Jack’s Sauna. So Eino and Mrs. Trumble went immediately to investigate. Entering the office they found nobody at the desk. It seemed that Jack’s nephew had left to watch the ceremonies leaving a sign that he would be right back. The door to the men’s sauna was locked from the inside and was hot to the touch. They thought they could hear moaning inside. Eino kicked the door as hard as he could and the lock tore loose from the door frame and the door swung open. At that point somebody hollered, again, “He is dead! He is dead!”. There are on the floor was a naked man with what looked like a bullet hole oozing blood which had pooled on the floor below him. Eino reached down to see if the man was dead and that’s when he discovered it wasn’t really a person. It was a very good mannequin . The blood was some kind of blood looking mixture. It was a fake murder in the sauna.
Now they had a mystery. Who would do this. Petrovich? To make the dribblet come true? Tommy UK? As a practical joke? Tommy TW? To sell his book “Murder in the Sauna”? These were the prime suspects.
To further complicate things how did a fake person through the lock bolt? That in itself was impossible. Perhaps Nancy’s poltergeist?
While all of this was happening Luke Snowslider’s money box and medal vanished from the table in the gazebo. Somebody took them while people were in front of the Sauna and distracted.
Now they had all kinds of mysteries and no detective.
Will any of this ever make sense? Where was Tommy TW when this happened? Can we blame the poltergeist? Who took the money and the medal? And of course is Tommy UK really the undertaker’s kid? These are some brand new questions could get answered this week but then again maybe they won’t.
*****

Today's Link-Pink Shoes in the Pulpit- A strange winter custom
It was an odd dauy. I spent the morning fooling with the St. Urho recoding. Then I posted it. This blog was just too long. So I promise I will keep tomorrow's short. In the afternoon Betty and I worked on the layout sand made some progress. Now I need a breathing treatment.
GBYA