Sunday, September 24, 2006

Grief Step eight

Saying for the day: Grief is not evil making us hide it is.

Today and every Sunday for the next two Sunday’s we are looking at the steps in the grief process as described by Pastor Granger Westberg. These steps are:
1. Shock
2. Emotion
3. Depression
4. Physical pain
5. Fear or panic
6. Guilt
7. Anger
8. We function poorly
9. The breaking in of hope
10. The start of the new life
We have reached step eight in the grief process.
We find that we have trouble doing our work.
We have trouble going out with other people.
Our entire life seems to stand still.
Part of this is because of the American way of handling grief.
We hide it.
We do not grieve publicly.
There was a time when people did grieve in public.
Men wore black armbands and women black veils.
People knew they were grieving.
Now the grief is hidden.
We do not want to cry at work so we hold it in and the quality of our work suffers.
At this stage in grieving we need a friend who will let us grieve.
When we start to talk about the one who died they will not cut us off.
They will listen and allow us to move in our grieving.
People do need to share their grief.
Let us love them enough to let them do it.
This is not easy because society puts pressure on them to hide the grief.
Be happy society says.
We don’t like long faced people
So we may go for coffee and the grieving person won’t talk about the one who died unless they know it is okay.
We can say something like “I remember when you and …. Went to …”.
Then if the person cry's accept it .
That’s grief.
The tears are good not evil. Let them tell you about the departed even if you have to listen to the same story several days in a row.

This step too will end.

News from Pigeon Falls– The little town in my backyard where the trains still run and dragons fly free– The High School foot ball team lost again last night . When they came out on the field they were greeted with cheers from the other side that went “Mash the potatoes” Mash the potatoes” . This new name is driving the players nuts. One feels that the next school board meeting is going to have some irritated parents in attendance. Some are suggesting the teams should be called the dragons. That certainly is better than New Potatoes. One has to wonder if the local dragon will approve.
The White Rabbit was seen yesterday with a red, white, and blue sweater. He was carrying a sign that said “Mayor”. The way things are going he could be the only candidate. There seems to be nothing in the law to prevent a rabbit from being Mayor. There is nothing to prevent a kid either. They just can’t vote in the election.(The law does require that one be a US citizen .Sorry Cuppojoe)
Mrs. Trumble greeted this latest news by saying this proves it was evil and demonic. The sooner she shoots it the better. If it gets elected and she shoots it can she be tried for shooting the Mayor? She has a rabbit license after all and it is a rabbit.
They have gone over the video of the person trying to break into Eino’s garage and Eino says the man looks familiar, He might have been one of those who came to clean out the Hermit’s house.

Today's Link-Geek Zen Daddy- Remember to put the word's Dr, John in the comment to get five, smells like apple, JCPOINTS. Check HERE for yours.
We went to church this morning. The coffee was great as was the fellowship before church. But the service was the real treat. It was the guitar service Sunday with the guitar liturgy . The congregational songs were great. The children's choir sang. The first graders were given their bibles. The confirmands and parents were blessed and the sermon was good. Just one fantastic Sunday. In the afternoon Betty painted and I visited all the blogs that left comments yesterday and then some others from the links list. Some days are so good you don't want them to end but now I do need a breathing treatment.


Blogger Janvangogh said...

Someone is supplying the rabbit with sweaters. Go after the source. Check sweater companies, yarn suppliers, lil ol lady knitting groups, etc.

4:49 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

The white rabbit will make a good Mayor, after all, he has the waving thing down pat. Just make sure he wears a bullet proof vest in all the parades.

5:46 AM  
Blogger starbender said...

First, thanx so much 4 the little pastry brush! He is adorable, and I will get alot of use out of him!

I think I am still on step 8--and have been there 4 quite some time! I almost make it to step 9, but then find out it was only false hope-and fall back into step 8. What a vicious cycle....

8:25 AM  
Blogger Kat Campbell said...

My sympathy to the football team. Ours gets "crush the ceramics" and the opposing side always illustrates this with posters of big boots stomping on little tea cups.

8:59 AM  
Blogger Chana said...

i'm not sure why really but our society is uncomfortable with emotions. strong ones. good or bad. i makes people uncomfortable. my guess it's because of a loss of control. i know someone who has a genuine good heat but he doesn't do well with emotions. he needs to 'fix' things in his world and often he is at a loss with tears or sadness or illness. if he only understood how he doesn't really have to do anything just be there. as powerful as words are, as wonderful as actions are, sometimes a hug, an arm, a hand, a kiss is all the heart needs. all, most of us need in time of ache is to know we are cared for and not alone. in just knowing that and feeling the love, they are helping more than they can ever imagine.
being spanish and being me makes me feel things. i cannot hide a sad heart. my eyes give it away.
the rabbit would make a fun and interesting mayor. he knows how to get the attention of a crowd.i'm glad there is a video of whomever was trying to get in to take the hermit. more clues, it may be just staring to come all together.
here is hoping that you have yourself a wonderful day. that Betty can get some rest. that you feel all the positive feelings we send your way. you are both so well loved.
take care. read you tomorrow.

9:41 AM  
Blogger Nea said...

I think Bazza's Mother In Law probably knitted the sweater for the rabbit, she knitted a Cardigan for Bazza.....and I think he would be happy to give it to the rabbit.....haha

Grief.......not something people really want to share. Right after my Dad passed away I actually had people telling me to smile, they didn't want to see a long face. I hate it when people tell me to smile. It is judging me and my state of mind.......I don't always feel like smiling. Sometimes I like to frown.......

Does Mrs. Trumble by any chance like rabbit stew?

9:49 AM  
Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

I think the repression of grief in our culture is due in large part to our fear of death and other forms of loss. To be able to befully present to someone in their grief means that you have to have accepted and dealt with your own and that you have at least recognized, if not yet accepted, that death is as much a part of our lives as living is.
BTW, as someon new to your blog, may I ask to what denomination do you belong?

11:30 AM  
Blogger Cuppojoe said...

Alas! It would seem that my political career is over before it even began!

Perhaps Pigeon Falls needs a Canadian Ambassador? Or maybe a peace-keeper to keep an eye on Mrs. Trumble? We're pretty good at that, too, you know!

11:33 AM  
Blogger Chana said...

genuine good heart not dear me, the silly things i

11:51 AM  
Blogger QuillDancer said...

Eino should put a nice humane man-trap in his garage and allow it to be broken into. Then he'd probably get some answers.

1:36 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

Mash the Potatoes! Whip the Potatoes! Fry the Potatoes! I like that name!

3:45 PM  
Anonymous zingtrial said...

Hi! what we need is people to share and understand grief,Wish you well DR Jones and Thanks for the comment

5:57 PM  
Anonymous sandy said...

My vote is for the white rabbit! "White Rabbit for Mayor!"

"Giving way" to grief has the same response here in the UK too, often a pat on the shoulder and a "chin up!" But holding back, bottling it up only makes it worse in the end, doesn't it?

6:32 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

The rabbit got a new sweater! WHOOO HOOO! hee hee

6:40 PM  
Anonymous Stacy said...

Our local teams can certainly sypathize with the New Potatoes. They are the Trojans, but the school district is Derry Area and if you think back to your high school french.....

6:47 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

I've never seen/heard of that list... thanks for posting it.

It's interesting to witness how different cultures deal with grief and loss.

12:48 AM  

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