Thursday, August 20, 2009

Just Stuff



I have some good news for you
And
Some bad news.




First the good news.
1. The boy came and cut the grass which is good news because it really needs cutting. He did a wonderful job as usual. He had offered to do all the lawn in the duplex for $10 but we insist on paying him $40. Hee is worth every cent.
2. My super woman Betty got the old couch out to the road at 5:30 yesterday morning with no help. The garbage men took. The really good news is we can move in the garage again.
3. My computer behaved most of the time yesterday. Now that is good news.
4. I had Rice Krispies and a banana for breakfast which means my immune system has been improved. It says so right on the box cover.
5. I got the address for the new DMV office and we went there. I knew we could do it. They couldn’t hide forever.

Now the bad news.
I am still expired.
I still do not exist. If you remember I went to open a bank account and found that under the Patriot Act I needed proof of citizenship. They would take a valid driver’s license or a valid Passport.
Both of mine had expired. They told me to go to the DMV and get an identity card. But the DMV had moved their office and we didn’t know how to get there. Yesterday we found them.
But my experience there was like being in Alice’s Wonderland.
I kept waiting for the Queen to come out and scream off with his head.
You see to get an ID you need a valid Driver’s license or a valid Passport . But mine had expired. The fact that I used to exist and used to be a citizen an used to be born in the United States didn’t count.
But they had an alternate method. They had three columns and you needed something from each column . Sort of like an identity scavenger hunt.
Well from column two I had my original social security card and from column three I had bills addressed to me at my Wisconsin address. That left only column one. It had only one thing in it, a certified birth certificate. Which, of course I didn’t have.
So I am still expired. That means I can’t vote or enter into certain kinds of contracts. Expired people have no rights.
Somewhere in this house I have a birth certificate but we have no idea where. It is a box with our marriage license and other important papers. So important that we have hidden them where we can’t find them.
So I went on the internet and contacted the Marquette County Clerk’s office and ordered a certified birth certificate. It only cost $ 50 with the shipping. Now all I have to do is wait.
Until then I am still expired.
I guess I’m lucky I don’t have to exist to blog.

24 Comments:

Blogger boots said...

ahh in the governments big eye that all makes sense! shew now that is scary. (make rice krispy treats and you will have a desert and a banana for breakfast)!

2:17 AM  
Anonymous quilly said...

Since you don't exist, can you do something like, say, robbing the bank, and not have to worry about being charged or prosecuted?

2:35 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Hi Dr. John,
Red tape is meant to be a challenge. It keeps you on your toes! But since you don't really exsist, I guess this comment doesn't either so please disregard!
Love Di

5:18 AM  
Blogger The Crazy Object B. and The Crazy Object J. said...

You know its important in our house if we cant find it! Thats the Linna Matto...Ur not alone...I just squashed a bug...He's now exprired too.
Brea :D

6:03 AM  
Blogger Melli said...

Good thing Betty purchased you BEFORE your expiration date! I bet if they needed you in court for something you would become UNexpired! And quickly too!

6:51 AM  
Blogger Gattina said...

I am glad I am not the only one in the world who didn't exist officially anymore ! I finally got a provisory passport because I had got a NEW birth certificate (sort of rebirth) which this time was written in printed letters and not in Gothic which nobody of the young generation I included couldn't read. Now they have found something else. I am married for 40 years and have my husbands name. Now the law has changed and I should take back my maiden name ! I don't want all papers are on my family name ! I really am excited to know how I will be named : Mrs. Smith or Mrs. Johns or Lady Johns ? Or duchess Smith of Waterloo ?

8:41 AM  
Blogger PS (PSanafter-thought) said...

Well they have gotten stricter because of 9-1-1. When my kids were taking the driver's ed class, the teacher would help them with the paperwork maze. But what was needed wasn't all that official, but the outcome was the driver's license. That was also a picture ID, so it served well to get on airplanes, etc.

Just think, if you were Obama, the official Hawaii office's statement that they have the birth certificate on file, plus the birth announcements in the local newspaper aren't good enough to prove he is who he says he is.

9:13 AM  
Blogger Akelamalu said...

It's annoying when you can't just put your hands on essential paperwork isn't it? You can virtually guarantee that birth certificate will turn up when you're not looking for it! :(

9:58 AM  
Blogger Mama Zen said...

Good grief!

At least the lawn looks good!

10:15 AM  
Blogger Thom said...

Just think of everything you could do and not get in trouble because you don't exist. LOL. It's ridiculous that you have to go through all of this, but I suppose it's there for the protection of us all. I can't wait until you unexpire yourself :)

10:15 AM  
Blogger Nessa said...

There is no word "pire" and there should be because how can you expire if you were never pire?

11:44 AM  
Blogger Baron's Life said...

The good news is real good and the bad news is plain awful...you must be related to Obama...since you cannot prove you were born in the USA...

2:14 PM  
Blogger hope said...

Try not paying your taxes...I bet the IRS would claim you existed. ;)

3:49 PM  
Blogger Lou said...

You would not believe how close this story is to my heart!

Andrew never got a driver's license because of his many legal and emotional problems. His passport has expired. Now he also cannot prove who he is...which in his case, comes in handy;)

4:18 PM  
Anonymous Alice Audrey said...

When I was a kid one of my grandparent's friends made a big deal about the difference between freedom in USA and in Europe. When I got him to boil it down, it came to the right to wander around without a piece of paper to prove you had a right to wander. Think we're coming to the end of that time?

5:46 PM  
Blogger Peter (Worldman): said...

What amazes me is that with "Big Brother" being around since forever, it should be easy for them to see that you are not "expired". How can you be when you pay 40 dollars to somebody.

5:51 PM  
Blogger Melissa B. said...

Just don't take any of those pills that will make you a Great Big GIANT or a Teeny tiny person, OK, Alice?

8:17 PM  
Blogger Baron's Life said...

So according to Melissa B..the little blue pill is out of the question for ya...no viagra for you mate

8:46 PM  
Blogger Garnetrose said...

I had to chuckle at this post. I know what it is to try and deal with the government. I have been dealing with my daugthters disability payments and it is a real mess when the govt is involved. It takes alot of patience to keep from choking someone at times.

10:59 PM  
Blogger a corgi said...

my gosh, $50 for the birth certificate? I remember getting mine a few years ago from Pennsylvania and it was under $10. Amazing what we have to do these days to prove we are who we are.....

betty

11:00 PM  
Blogger secret agent woman said...

When I changed my name I took the divorce order with me to get my new driver's license. But the computer wouldn't let me change to a name with no middle initial! I had to go to a regional office to get a special name change form.

12:32 PM  
Blogger Jenifer said...

It's ridiculous that you have to go through all of this...


--
Jenifer
Home Security Systems no CREDIT CHECK everyone is approved

1:56 AM  
Blogger Dr.John said...

My 55 is posted
HERE.

4:52 AM  
Blogger Dr.John said...

My 55 is posted
HERE.

5:03 AM  

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