Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Groaners

Saying for the day: It ain't funny Charlie. It just ain't funny.

As I was reading the funnies in the Sunday paper I cam across an old groaner disguised as a cartoon. The old groaner went like this:

There was a town with far too many prostitutes and the police were unable to find the man behind the entire ring. So one of the lady judges decided to go undercover and try to find the guy herself. Of course she couldn’t tell the police because there was an informant somewhere in the department. The second day that the judge was on the street she was picked up in a raid and booked as a prostitute. Thus the police violated a basic rule.

Never book a judge by its cover.
Groan

This reminded me of my old friend Rev. Ingamar Levin who always came to church conventions with more groaners than you ever wanted to hear. I offer a few of them below.

# Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know

for whom the Tells bowled.
groan


# A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with

transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
groan

# A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said,

"Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
groan

# Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression,

"He who has a Tates is lost!
groan

I have more but I’ll save them for another time.

#### News from Pigeon Falls-The little town in my basement where the trains still run, dragons fly, and life is back to normal .People are busy planning their Packer parties for next weekend and their Tommy TW parties for tonight. Tonight is the night that Tommy TW finally makes it unto the Letterman Show. The is the first writer to be married to a girl from Pigeon Falls and the very first writer to use Pigeon Falls as the setting for his book. People want to see what he says about the town.
Nancy’s café has been busy all morning. It has, you know, good saffron buns now made by the Lutherans. People get two things at one time. They get the joy of eating a great saffron bun, almost as good as Nancy’s and the joy of knowing the money is going to feed the hungry of the world. You can hardly beat that.
People coming into town are now saying the trees have moved. They are right up next to the road. The engineer on the morning train said they were so close to the track that he wasn’t sure the engine would get through. Something weird is going on.
Petrovich says there might be a driblet that fits the moving trees.
Eino, of course, says there is some kind of rational explanation . It could be there was a little earthquake and the earth heaved and moved. The trees just went with it.
For the most part people are trying to ignore the moving trees as they have had their fill of weird.
*****

Today's Link-Mommyness is Happiness-A Mommy with a Nanny.
A hard breathing day. I worked most of the day moving November and December blogs over to a form where I can print them out to send to my sister. Betty went to Bible study. Then we got the packages off to my eBay people and to Dawn ( the October blogs). Now I need a breathing treatment.
GBYA

8 Comments:

Blogger Janvangogh said...

It is a long shot, but maybe the trees are mad that trees had to be cut down to make paper so that Petrovich could print out his latest driblet. If I were Petrovich, I would not go walking in the woods at night alone.

5:23 AM  
Blogger Stacy said...

Loved the "groaners." We have a friend who also collects them. There must be one in every church.

8:14 AM  
Anonymous quilly said...

I don't want to be lost, so I am not going to hesitate to leave a comment. I suggest someone in pigeon falls call a logger -- now!

8:33 AM  
Blogger QUASAR9 said...

Het Dr John,
and a late Happy New Year to you all

12:39 PM  
Blogger QUASAR9 said...

Been a little busy since the year began, but made some time to do some catching up

12:40 PM  
Blogger Nessa said...

Maybe the trees are Ents.

1:02 PM  
Anonymous terrybury said...

Another Groaner:

Mrs.Smith needed her piano tuned and called the noted area piano tuner Thomas Opperknocketty. After his quality job of tuning her piano she requested that he come back every six months to keep the piano in the best pitch possible. He said this would not be possible since he has always stood by his trademark saying:

"Opperknocketty tunes but once"

GROAN

6:11 PM  
Blogger mommyness said...

hey! thanks for making me the featured link. I am very honored. :) you've got a nice place here too.

5:15 PM  

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