Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Fast Forward from Ralph 27-A Colonoscopie

It is Wednesday and I share with you two things that Ralph forwarded to me in my e-mail.Ralph Valine wrote:

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite
humorous. Remember we have sedatives in our system.

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his
patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

10. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

11. "God, now I know why I am not gay."

And, the best one of all...,

12. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
there?"

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Best Living Will


I, MAXINE , being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers / doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Ketel One Martini

Chocolate
Mexican food
Itailan food
Pizza

sex
Ice cream
Bud Light
Margarita

Steak

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.


@@@@ News from Pigeon Falls-The little town in my basement where the trains still run, dragons fly, and Pastor Castle is here– Pastor Joan Castle and the last of her stuff arrived at Last Lutheran yesterday afternoon. This morning she had coffee at Nancy’s and spent time talking to Nancy about her upcoming wedding. One isn’t sure that she intended to talk about the wedding but Nancy really left her very little choice. Nancy is so worried that everything won’t go well. Among other things Nancy wanted to know if it was alright to invite Pastor Marvel , who had Baptized and Confirmed her to be an official part of the wedding. Pastor Joan said she had no problem with that but Pastor Marvel was now Pastor of a big Florida congregation and may not be able to get away. He may have a wedding or weddings on that day.
Nancy found Pastor Joan open and easy to talk to. Pastor Joan set up an appointment for Nancy and Tommy TW (the writer) to talk about the wedding in particular and marriage in general.
This afternoon Pastor Castle has her first funeral at Last Lutheran. Old Louis Lepiser died in his sleep. Lepiser was one of three people that seemed to be trying for the title of town drunk. He belonged to no church. Everybody who frequents the Fly Inn Bar knows him. His family ( a sister and some nephews) want him buried from the church. His friends , such as they are, would prefer a service at the funeral home. Pastor Castle said that she would go with whatever the family decides.
*******

Today's Link-The Healing Power of Laughter- A different look at music. Leave a Dr. John in the comment.
Today was a dull day. It was hard breathing. I was tired. I watched my soaps. Fooled a bit on the computer and that was it. Now I need a breathing treatment.
GBYA

11 Comments:

Blogger Janvangogh said...

I take it Louis is Finnish. Or is he Finnished? I know, BAD.

6:15 AM  
Blogger Stacy said...

Pastor Castle certainly isn't getting to ease into things, is she?

I want a colonoscopy even less than I wanted one before...if that is possible.

6:22 AM  
Blogger Margaret said...

Thank goodness they sort of knock peeps out with anesthesia during that exam nowadays.

6:37 AM  
Anonymous TCOB said...

I read yesterdays but didn't comment i didn't know what to say.I'm not that shy only a little.

hope to see ou soon.

The Crazy Object B.

8:30 AM  
Anonymous Kat said...

Oh my gosh! Those were funny!

11:46 AM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

Hey, how did a copy of my will get to Maxine?

1:27 PM  
Blogger QUASAR9 said...

lol that fast forward from ralph had me in tears & stitches.

but the Enron Exec & the coal miner probably take the biscuit, talked about being shafted and going down the shaft - dark humour

3:55 PM  
Blogger Cherlee's said...

To funny I like that! Lol thanks for sharing.
Sending many hugs your way
Cherlee

3:55 PM  
Blogger QUASAR9 said...

I used to watch my uncle the vet inseminare cows, he used to put on this condom on his arm, and his hole arm would disappear ... no, he never used to bring his head nearer to take a closer look, he used to work by tact alone.

And always used to wash his hands!

3:57 PM  
Blogger Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

"Hey Doc! If yo're checking for cavities, I already have a dentist, but thanks anyway!"

Wow.

9:32 PM  
Anonymous tina said...

Hey there, John. Thought I'd come by and see how you are doing. Love the colonoscopy humor. I've gone through worse, but this procedure was right up there(no pun intended) on my top ten list of 'Once is nore than enough' experiences. Nice to know, though, that we humans can manage to find humor in just about anything when we need to. Hope all is well.

12:40 AM  

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