Guilt step six in grieving

Saying for the Day: Mea culpa! Mea Culpa!

Today and every Sunday for the next four Sunday’s we are looking at the steps in the grief process as described by Pastor Granger Westberg. These steps are:
1. Shock
2. Emotion
3. Depression
4. Physical pain
5. Fear or panic
6. Guilt
7. Anger
8. We function poorly
9. The breaking in of hope
10. The start of the new life
When we grieve we almost always reach a stage of feeling guilty.
Deep inside of us we feel somehow responsible for what has happened.
We say things like “ If only I had been there” , “ I should have made him go to the doctor” or “ I should have checked the batteries in the smoke alarm”.

Often this guilt adds to our feeling of depression or isolation.
There are two type of guilt in grief namely deserved guilt and undeserved guilt.

Deserved guilt comes from things you should or shouldn’t have done. You shouldn’t have said those things to her. You should have visited more often.

Undeserved guilt comes when you feel guilty for things you couldn’t change.
You couldn’t have made him go to the doctor unless you tied a logging chain around his neck and attached it to the truck.
You couldn’t spend all your time visiting her in the hospital.
When you hold undeserved guilt up to the light of reason it evaporates.

For the Christian the solution to both kinds of guilt is the same
You need to ask God for forgiveness and then you need to forgive yourself.
You have to forgive yourself and let go of the guilt.

Because God forgives you then you can as well.

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New from Pigeon Falls-the little town in my backyard where the trains still run and sweet little old ladies carry shotguns.– Last night was the wildest potato festival dance in the history of Pigeon Falls. The Trusty Trumbles were playing and lots of people were dancing. There were a few just drinking. They were all on the end of main street in front of the Pigeon Statue. Mrs. Trumble was seated on a bench about a quarter of the way up from the other end of the street.
Suddenly Tommy, the undertaker’s kid , who was recording the band, suddenly hollered out there it is.Everybody looked in the direction he pointed and there was the White Rabbit wearing its pink sweater. It hopped out into the street just as Mrs. Trumble took aim and fired. She could not have missed. He was directly in front of her and she fired both barrels. The White Rabbit , turned , looked at her, and then hoped back towards the woods still smiling and waving. Mrs. Trumble ran to the end of the street but he was gone. “The pellets went through him”, she said, over and over. Then she said “the wrong shells” . Apparently she had regular shotgun shells instead of the silver ones with a drop of Holy Water in them.
They tried dancing after that but it wasn’t the same. The White Rabbit was back and Mrs. Trumble, whatever her excuse, had failed to destroy him. One wonders if Vicki will have to add another verse to her Trumble song.
This morning Eino checked out the billboard that was behind the White Rabbit. It was covered with shotgun pellets in a perfect spread. They do seem to have passed through the White Rabbit. Eino says that’s not possible. But half the town saw it.
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Todays link: kat's random thoughts....Remember to put Dr. John in the comment to get those highly scheduled JCPOINTS. Check HERE for your total.
We don't have to wait for Betty since the daily contest is over.
I read all of the comments on yesterdays link. It seems good that there was a dialogue between teachers and a disgruntled student. Each got to look at things from the others perspective. Teachers saw through the eyes of a student and the student through the eyes of a teacher. I think Quilldancer did a marvelous job and as a former teacher I applaud her. This sort of give and take is one of the things that blogs are all about.
I transfered the credits for blog explosion to Chana, Catch, Cindy, and Margaret. That leaves Nea and Betty. Betty doesn't have a blog explosion account and I don't know if Nea does or not.
In terms of the degree certificates I have names for three of the seven. I still need a name for the certificate from Catch, Chana, and Margaret .
Betty and I went to the churcvh picnic today. It was nice to see so many people.
Well I need a breathing treatment.
GBYA