Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Gum your way to heaven

Saying for the day: Did God send gum to save us?

I spent all that time in seminary and years in study afterward directed toward the question “How does one get to heaven”.
The other night I was watching television and discovered my answer might not be correct.

How do you get to heaven ?

You have to chew the right gum.

Now television wouldn’t put on something that isn’t true would they.

They showed this poor fellow being pulled right into hell where a group of dragon ladies were waiting for him.
Apparently he swore too much and he was stuck there forever.

That’s when the gum lady shows up with the gum and a goat.
She is in white and the goat is white.

Our poor fellow takes the gum and immediately is transferred to heaven.
The women there were much prettier.

The lady with the goat then reminds us of how important it is to chew the right gum.

Now I do have a few questions.

1. I thought the goat was a satanic symbol so what is it doing here?

2. Could some other gum do just as well ? Are they like other denominations?

3. How about one of those tooth whitening systems?Is that like another religion ?

4. Why do only ugly women go to hell? Or do they get ugly when they arrive?

5. Why is hell red and heaven white? Is this a racist view of heaven?

6. Is the lady with the gum an angel?

7. Is the goat perhaps a scapegoat that takes our sins?

8. Isn’t this the same lady and the same gum that caused that other poor guy to crash his car?

9. Is this place that is so white really heaven or is it hell in disguise?

Why there is enough material here for a dissertation on alternate forms of salvation.

I don’t think pastors or theologians should watch television.

News from Pigeon Falls– The little town in my backyard where the dragons still fly free.-No dragon or White Rabbit yesterday or this morning.
They are getting a little concerned about the Chicago Hermit as his groceries from Saturday are still siting on the porch. That plus the fact that the noise and light flashes have stopped .His doors are locked and nobody has the authority to break them in. The rumors have already begun that some Chicago gangsters came and rubbed him out. Eino says that authority or not if the groceries are still there tomorrow they will break the front door lock to get in.
Jack is trying to find out who the celebrity is so he can get him or her to take a Sauna. Then he can advertise that so and so got a Sauna here. I don’t know if that would make me want to Sauna there or not. Since Jack’s Sauna burns wood ( all real Saunas do) you would think the higher oil and natural gas prices wouldn’t affect him. But you would be wrong. His wood is delivered by truck and the truck burns diesel fuel. The trucker has upped his wood delivery rate. Even little backwoods towns are affected by foreign wars.
The strawberry crop is coming in and Nancy is now offering a piece of strawberry pie and a cup of coffee for $2.00 (no ice cream). She says people like a little change now and then.
The annual Liar’s Club story telling contest looks like it will have plenty of contestants this year. So far twenty people have registered. Three of them are from out of the area. We have until the end of the week and they close the registration.

The Link for today is: My Body for Life Challenge. Remeber to put the words Dr. John in your comment for JCPOINTS or if not for JCPOINTS just to confuse the blog writer. You can check your JCPOINT total HE RE.
Now the name for today if we drew Jill she gets what's in the prize box.
The name drawn fresh this morning is Jafabrit. If we draw it agin tomorrow she gets what's in the prize box. This is so filled with suspense. Good luck Jafabrit , sorry Jill.
Betty went to Tops and then went to visit with an old friend that is back in town for a short time. I spent the day working on the family tree website which is almost done. There are still a few glitches but we I'll work those out. Now I have to start updating things. Well I need a breathing treatment.


Anonymous Stacy said...

The theology of gum? Ha! You crack me up, Dr. John. If you were to ask my mom...ALL gum will send you straight to hell since we all look like contented cows chewing our cuds chewing the stuff.

4:04 AM  
Blogger jafabrit said...

ROFLOL, I think you are right Dr.John, best to skip telly. Now I won't be able to chew gum without laughing and thinking of your ponderings.

take care.

4:50 AM  
Blogger kristi said...

I have seen the commercial that you are talking about!!! I was curious to what role the goat played in the whole thing.. After watching the commercial a couple more times, I noticed that there was a disclaimer at the bottom telling you that chewing gum will not get you into heaven!!! I wonder if it was there the first time the commercial aired or if people really thought that chewing Orbitz would get them into heaven. In that case I am going to run to the store and buy that gum in bulk!!!

I have been so behind on my posting as the days with my husband are dwindling down and he will be leaving soon. I see that I won the drawing....whoo hoo.

Thanks Dr. John

6:31 AM  
Blogger starbender said...

Oh-I soooooo need that gum!
;] ;]

Yeowzaa..... I see I missed a marathon! Ouch! Sure hurt me on points! ...I'm like behind 300.

6:31 AM  
Blogger Janvangogh said...

Does "taking the gum" constitute a work?

7:51 AM  
Blogger QuillDancer said...

Dr. John -- thank you! From now on everytime I see Orbitz gum I'll crack up laughing. People in the supermarket check-out line will think I'm wierd -- "Martha, pppsssst! MArtha. Do you see that lady over there? She's giggling at the gum!"

8:06 AM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

What wiuld we have to blog about if it were not for advertising?

8:21 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

This is Cindy from Inspiration Korne, I just wanted to say thank you for visiting Annette and making a pledge for me! Thank you a ton! God Bless you!

8:57 AM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

I like the way your mind works. My dad is a pastor and he can find a sermon in just about anything. I haven't seen the commercial but it sounds crazy!

9:04 AM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Don't believe that commercial. There is no way Snoop Dogg is going to heaven. I was owndering about the goat myself.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Catch said...

i bet those groceries will smell good after another day in the sun!

9:32 AM  
Blogger Bella said...

Chicago gangsters? I hope not, that would be horrible!

LOL!!! That gum commercial cracks me up everytime I see it. Snoop Dog is a famous rapper, in case ya didn't know.

Yes, now that you pointed it out, the goat is often associated with satanic rituals (sacrifice)? I don't like thinking about such so-called religions because often times, my religion is mistaken for satanic cults.

Oh well, to each his own. :)

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Crazy Object B. said...

Sorry jill Nice story where did the dragan and rabbit did the dragen eat the rabbit then run away?

11:41 AM  
Blogger Chana said...

oh my! your imagination is worth many a hollywood deal for a lifetime of writting amazing scripts :) ....

chewing gum was never that interesting before, he, he...

i love questions #2,4,9 ...funny, funny...

pastors and theologians are a fun and smart bunch...:)
what if the hermit is ill? what if all the commotion was made by him like an experiment and it's stop because he had a major trauma or something..?
i don't know that i would buy anything based whether a celebrity would have used it or bought is...but i can see how it's a great marketing tool.
fresh strawberry pie and coffee for 2 dollars is a great deal...good for Nancy who makes available some great deals.
glad that Betty got some good visiting in with a friend. i cannot imagine how much energy she has that she would still go to Tops after all the effort and work of getting ready to move.

pls accept my deep thanks for your comment. it is great to know that i'm so not alone in this world of ours. i am so loved and cared for, what a great gift. Oh thank you for your prayers! i feel that much safer and better just knowing i'm included in your prayers. thank you. thank you a million times over.
you are very capable with web sites and computers. that is awesome. i'm sure the new site will be just as great as all your others.

have a wonderful evening. hope you and Betty are well. take care and read you tomorrow.

6:09 PM  
Anonymous andrena said...

ha are so right! Pastors and theologians should not watch television or movies. It is so hard to do so without finding some spiritual meaning in them....

6:28 PM  

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