Monday, March 16, 2009

The True Ballad of St. Urho

Today's Link
East Coast Life

Today's Saying

Saying for the day: In the great arm wrestling match in heaven it was Urho over Patrick two out of three times.

Today's Picture

I have postponed Jeff’s picture story until tomorrow because today is St. Urho’s Day and as keeper of the true Finnish tradition I am posting the original Ballad of St. Urho . Note this is the original not that Minnesota grasshopper rip off of the legend. St. Urho was a great dragon slayer not grasshopper chaser.This is taken from the last remaining copy which I keep in my secret vault at the fortress.

The Epic Ballad of St. Urho
( Dragonslayer)
translated from the original Finnish by the select committee of 4

The Ballad of St. Urho

St. Urho stood upon the square,
His mighty staff in hand.
St. Urho stood alone that day,
He had no loyal band.

He had come right from the Mass,
In his purple robes and things,
He waits for the dragon green,
while the single church bell rings.;

He was waiting for the dragon. Would the dragon ever come?

The people in the village,
had fled into the cave,
Leaving brave. St. Urho
to an almost certain grave.

The Dragon lived in England
A land quite far away.
It was the last one of its breed:
St. Urho Faced that day.

He was waiting for the dragon. Would the dragon ever come?

The dragon could have feasted
Upon some cousin Jacks,
Or even eaten Irish stew
There was no food he lacked

But the Dragon's he's been spoiled,
He has a taste for Finn
To settle now for lesser folk,
Was not aright with Him.

He was waiting for the dragon. Would the dragon ever come??

Now the channel water rises,
Hot air begins to blow.
The shadow of its mighty wings,
Pass on the ground below.

Now the air turns strangely warm,
The ground around him shook.
But the brave St. Urho
Was too afraid to look.

He was waiting for the dragon. And now the Dragons come!

Ah! Now the battles started,
The dragons flames rain down
But St. Urho's magic shield,
Directs them to the Ground.

St. Urho Brings his mighty staff
Down on the Dragon's head.
The mighty staff breaks in two
St. Urho should have fled.

He was waiting for the dragon. And now the Dragons come!

The Dragon lunges forward,
St. Urho he runs back
He drops his robes, his coat, his bag
He even drops a sack.

The race is on toward the cave,
St. Urho's in the lead,
He makes it to the entrance
Fore the dragon starts to feed.

He was waiting for the dragon. And now the Dragons come!

So the Dragon eats the purple robes,
The coat, the bag, the sack
And sends a rain of fire
So they'll know he's coming back.

Since Urho's safe within the cave
his flight now homeward bends.
He didn't eat St. Urho,
And yet his hunger ends.

He was waiting for the dragon. And now the Dragons done!

His massive stomach feels quite full
he really feels quite good
He'll be back to eat the Saint
Like a mighty dragon should

The dragon's halfway home,
When Urho's secret weapon hits
He 'd filled his coat with pasties
And little pastie bits.

He was waiting for the dragon. And now the Dragons done!

The Massive Indigestion brings,
Gas beyond all claims,
Causing sinister explosions
In the dragons stomach flames.

Soon, soon the Dragon plunges
He has lost control,
The explosions throw him
Into a final fatal roll.

He was waiting for the dragon. And now the Dragons done!

It was the last English Dragon
defeated by a Finn,
He used his favorite weapon,
a pastie to the chin .

And when we wear the purple.
and when we wear the green
we remember old St. Urho
and what his life did mean.
He had waited for the Dragon And NOW the Dragon's DONE.

When dragons come a flying,
Into your little sky,'
And you know the battle's hopeless,
just don't begin to cry.

Remember brave St. Urho,
And raise a little prayer
And Mighty old St. Urho
Will come to help you there

He had waited for the Dragon And now the Dragon's DONE!

(all rights reserved)
From the Messyneen documents discovered
March 16, 1981
Please note translation of these documents continues and further revisions are expected.
Select Committee of four consists of:
Representing the (Society tor the preservation of the Finnish Language and Culture
Dr. Thomas LeeWngdom. Visiting Professor of Linguistics, University of Turko,
Representing the Society tor the preservation of the Kalevala and other Epic Poems. Professor Urho Palomeki, University of Helsinki,
Representing The Society to Preserve the Precious Memory of St. Urho,KJ. Moiknen. Official American Agricultural Agent
Representing The Lutheran Church of Finland, committee on Finnish Saints, Artifacts. and other Old Things, Rev. Usea J. Linna
{ Committee of four was charged by the Finnish government with tasks of:
1 .Authenticate the documents found in the field of Mutta Mattala, Finnish farmer
2.Attempt to translate the documents using the best scientific and linguistic tools
3.Revise such Finnish Epic Poems as would be indicated by the discovery.
4.Prepare scholarly defense of same to share with the academic community. ]

News from Pigeon Falls
The little town in my basement where the trains still run, dragons fly, and life is back to normal
A lot of people in Pigeon Falls woke up this morning really scared. They looked back over last week and it was just too good. Everything had gone right that could go right. The snow left, birds sang, flowers bloomed, tourists spent lots of money, people won lottery money, Mrs. Trumble hit the big jackpot, the mine hired a few more people, and the mill went to two shifts. It was like heaven. But that was the problem. They were suffering from happiness overload. Things were so good that something really bad had to be coming to balance it out. This might be the week when Petrovich would publish the driblet that predicted the end of the world. Perhaps a terrorist would blow up Jack's sauna . They tried to think of all the bad things that could happen. They knew happiness was at best transitory. If you get cured of cancer you get run over by a bus. That's just the way things are.

But despite their gloom it looks like a beautiful day. The birds are still singing and the flowers blooming. The sun is still shining. The town is preparing for the biggest St. Urho's Day bash ever.

Wrap UP
It was a wonderful day. The temperature went to 60 degrees. The snow is melting. I spent much of the day visiting blogs. Now I need a breathing treatment.


Blogger The Old Fart said...

When I think Grasshopper I think bait for a Hungry Trout, or David Carradine's name in Kung Fu. I think you've created another Urban (Maybe Rural) Legend here Dr John. No matter what, I did enjoy the Epoch Poem.

Thank you for sharing. This made me think of a Kung Fu story I'll have to share on my blog someday. Remind me if I forget.

2:05 AM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Thanks for adding to my literary knowledge base by introducing me to the Ballad of St. Urho.

2:38 AM  
Anonymous Thom said...

It is truly amazing what the fortress contains. Devon has a lot to learn and the Epoch Poem was fascinating. I find it hard to believe however that with all that happiness sadness must rear it's ugly head. Where is the leprechaun when you need him/her the most.

3:02 AM  
Blogger Melli said...

Well goodness! I thought I learned EVERYTHING there was to know about ol' St. Urho YESTERDAY ... but seems I was sorely mistaken! I am SO GLAD to have the real and TRUE story now and to know how things REALLY happened! I'm sure Jeff will understand completely that this just could NOT wait... imagine people believing that St. Urho would have his claim to fame for chasing grasshoppers away from the grape crops... I should have seen right through that hoax! Almost as silly as that Patrick fella and his snakes! Of COURSE it was DRAGONS! Party Hearty Pigeon Falls!

3:51 AM  
Blogger aims said...

- and what an Epoch Poem it is!!

4:07 AM  
Blogger Pat - Arkansas said...

I really enjoyed the St. Urho poem! Kudos to the translators!!!

4:15 AM  
Blogger EastCoastLife said...

Thanks for the link love and introducing me to St Urho. I learn something new today.

5:24 AM  
Blogger Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

You are just a wealth of knowledge Dr. J!

6:19 AM  
Blogger Nessa said...

The Distinguished Group of Four have presented us with a wonderful epic. I feel I can do anything now.

7:32 AM  
Blogger Cherie said...

That has got to be my favorite epic poem of all time. The commission should be commended. I could never have imagined such a thing. And me with my Finnish blood though I must admit that I have been cut off from my people for an extended period of time. (That coupled with the fact that this American has several other "people." lol)

8:24 AM  
Blogger Sandi McBride said...

I was rather chagrined at the slaying of the know Puff the Magic Dragon still makes me cry...but I could see good Old St. Urho looking like a demented Wizard and I wished him well...but you know that the digestive troubles of the Dragon will soon end and he'll be back to bother Finland...lovely lovely fable!

8:46 AM  
Blogger rhymeswithplague said...

I know what an epic poem is, but what is an epoch poem????

8:52 AM  
Blogger Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...


9:06 AM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

nice picture...Spanky is having fun looking out the window seeing the squirrels again. Driving me nuts but what else is new?

10:18 AM  
Blogger Alastair said...

not sure about the odds on Urho and Paddy... I will be drinking Guinness tomorrow! (Which of course is what the great man himself drank, to be sure)

Anything in parenthesis to be said in faux Oirish accent, please...

11:05 AM  
Anonymous quilly said...

Hurray for Agent 012! I am so glad he finally had a good day.

11:25 AM  
Blogger PS (PSanafter-thought) said...

Now I finally know the truth and I can tell everybody.

1:22 PM  
Blogger Akelamalu said...

I love the poem, thanks for sharing it Dr. John. x

2:00 PM  
Blogger Carver said...

I had never heard the Ballade of St. Urho. I enjoyed this interesting post.

2:21 PM  
Blogger juliana said...

well, that was a cunning way to slay a dragon. with all respect to urho, i kind of feel sorry for the creature.

3:29 PM  
Blogger Jientje said...

Yesterday I had never even heard of Saint Urho, and now I know everything there is to know, thanks to you, dr John!

3:39 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

As for me, I'll take the grasshopper version.

4:16 PM  
Blogger Finding Pam said...

I enjoyed your poem very much. I had never heard of that before. Then again, I am not Finnish.

6:12 PM  
Blogger Louisiana said...

hello dr. John and Betty,
my goodness how fast time passes, your grandkids are growing tons. they are so handsome i tell you.

i have never heard of St. Urho, never. thank you for teaching me about him. i will have to look him up.

i'm glad the weather was better, i hope melting snow doesn't mean flooding. we have had beautiful warm days here and floods to some 300 houses and then it turns cold and colder and then back to has been a weird winter and i suggest, believing that things will not get any better, that this is just the start.

i thank you for your last comment. i know you and Betty care for me and the kids. it has always been very evident. love comes through in every little bit we do and i have always been grateful for your caring and prayers. i as well, like i have said often, feel that you are both part of my family. family are the people we care about and not just limited to blood lines. thanks to many prayers and our merciful God Francesca is now on her 5th wk at school...see me smiling..;)

i'm so glad to be blogging again. i'm full of things to write about. i have 2 yrs to make up for i think.

thank you for your stories. pls know i'm glad to be here again.

God Bless and sweet dreams. hugs to you all. xo

9:10 PM  
Blogger Gattina said...

I wanted to know more about St. Urho and looked it up in Wikipedia ( and learned that it was a Fake tradition. Interesting to read though.
Yours even is fighting a dragon ! for Dragon fans the ideal person, lol !

10:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


12:20 AM  

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