Thursday, January 24, 2008

A Prince by any other name

Saying for the Day:Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.” Hans Christian Andersen

Gather round it’s time for another fairy tale or elf tale if your prefer.
Once upon a time, not too long ago but not yesterday either, there lived a beautiful girl named Betty. From the time she was very little she dreamed of marrying a Prince and living happily ever after in a great castle. She even let her hair grow long and tried letting it hang out the window so that if her Prince came he could climb it and rescue her. The problem, of course, is she had nothing to be rescued from. She had great parents, a friendly dog, and everything anybody really needed. But she didn’t have a Prince. When she saw the wedding of Prince Benjamin and Princess Marigold on television she thought it was the greatest thing ever. Now she dreamed of being married by an archbishop and riding in a golden coach.
When she turned twenty five her mother said she should either marry somebody and move out or get a job. She couldn’t spend her life laying around the house wishing for a Prince. She went to work in the local greasy spoon which just happened to be called “ The Greasy Spoon”. All day she served coffee and meals and dreamed that her Prince would walk through the door and take her away from the afternoon chicken special. But he never came. Instead one day a funny looking man in a green suit with shoes that curled up on the end came in an ordered the breakfast special which consisted of two eggs, two pieces of toast, two sausages, two pancakes, and hash brown potatoes for $3.00. Orange juice and coffee were extra. When he had finished eating he called her to the table and said that he was a little short on cash right now and couldn’t pay for the meal. This meant there would be no tip and there would be a hassle with the manager who expects her to spot and weed out deadbeats. She just didn’t feel like fighting so she gave the guy a $5.00 bill and told him to get a cup of coffee as well. Suddenly she found herself standing in the middle of a glowing circle and the little man explained that he was an elf and because she had been nice to him she could have one wish. Now Betty had read many fairy tales and she knew that elf wishes were dangerous and never seemed to work out but she was sure that she could ask it in such a way that it could not backfire. So she said “ I want to marry a real Prince. Not somebody who calls himself a Prince. Not a prince like the musician formerly called Prince. But a real, genuine Prince like Prince Nathaniel she had seen on television in that beautiful wedding. “ As you ask so shall it be” said the elf.
While this was taking place Prince Joseph had worked his way up to managing the largest McDonald’s in the Chicago area but was not happy. It seems his brother had found out where he was and kept sending him glowing letters about the wonders of married life ( all lies as in reality he spent the day trying not to look at his wife. He suggested she have surgery but some obscure Outer Bohemian law prevented a sitting Queen from having any surgical procedure except to save her life .So the only time he got close to her was in the darkness of the bedroom.) But of course Joseph believed his brother was horribly happy and he too wanted that kind of happiness. So he blew the whistle he had taken from home. The elf appeared but told him that that wish had already been used by his brother and he should receive a penalty instead of a wish. But our elf was feeling generous and told Joseph that if he would make him a gift he might give him a wish. So Joseph took him to the McDonalds he managed and made him the greatest Big Mac ever made. The elf said it was very good but he would rather have had a Wendy’s cheese burger. Nevertheless he gave Joseph one wish. Joseph wished to marry a woman even more beautiful than his brother’s wife. He had never seen Princess Marigold. He watched the wedding on TV but when they pulled back the veil every television camera in the church imploded and no picture of the bride was ever transmitted. But his brother had described her beauty in great detail in his letters. The elf said “ As you ask so shall it be”.
At that point both Betty and Joseph found themselves on the sidewalk in Las Vegas. Seeing her Joseph said,” Excuse me miss are you single”. “Why, yes” She said. “Will you marry me”, he asked? “First”, she said, “ Are you a Prince, a real Prince?” Why yes I am “, he said. “I am a crown prince of the country of Inner Bohemia” “Well then I will marry you” she said.
With that he swept her off her feet and into the nearest wedding chapel. She was a bit disappointed because instead of being married by the Archbishop Philip Melancthon in a great Cathedral she was being married by an Elvis imitator in a crummy chapel. But after they stood through a horrible rendition of “Love Me Truly” they promised to rock and roll together forever and the Elvis look alike, holding his guitar over their heads pronounced them man and wife. Then they were back on the street with no motel and no return tickets. Elves are very poor about after the wish arrangements( not at all like the gnomes that work for Tavelocity). So they took a bus ( not a golden coach) and found a nice motel with a nice room ( not however a Palace) and spent a truly wonderful night. The next day she asked when they were going back to the palace. That’s when he told her he never intended to go back. He was manger of the biggest McDonalds in the Chicago area and was working his way up. So she had nothing to look forward to except hamburgers and more hamburgers. She should never have trusted that elf. But at the very least Joseph could have been working for Burger King.

#### News from Pigeon Falls-The little town in my basement where the trains still run, dragons fly, and life is just a little strange. The trees seem to have stopped moving. It is almost as if they are satisfied just to keep all those people locked in and don’t intend to do anything else. Nobody knows what caused them to move in the first place. Are they some government experiment from the assumed hidden government research facility gone wrong? Could it be that the government was trying to develop soldier trees? Or are they just trees that got tired of being cut down and taken to the mill and are now in revolt. No one has written the definitive book on why trees attack. But there is the driblet.
Tommy UK is taking it seriously. He read it over three times this morning. He noticed the driblet doesn’t say how the hole got in the tree. Tommy UK figures that sometimes what isn’t said is as important as what is said. So after the reading he started at the trees blocking the road and began tapping on them, looking for a hollow tree. By noon he was at the other end of town and right in the middle of the road to the mine he found a huge oak that sounded hollow when he tapped it. He sprayed a big red x on the tree and continued walking and tapping. By nightfall he was half way around There were no more hollow sounding trees.
Could Tommy be right? Do they have to drill the hole themselves ? Will the hollow tree contain the box? Is anyone “ pure of heart”? Does Eino have a better idea? And of course is Tommy UK really the undertaker’s son? Some of these questions will be answered tomorrow or the day after.

Today's Link-My Beautiful Chaos- Should she call the doctor?
Just one of those days. Breathing was good. In the morning we labeled and packed the six things I sold on eBay yesterday. Then Betty took them to the Post Office. Sp[ent the afternoon not doing much. Looking at other track possiblities before we locked this one in with wood underpinnings. Now I need a breathing treatment.


Blogger Cindy said...

Since you like new words here's one for you. I found it over at Sarge Charlie's (

Electile Dysfunction: the inability to become aroused
over any of the choices for president put forth by
either party in the 2008 election year.

5:04 AM  
Blogger Janvangogh said...

That Tommy UK is a real thinker.

6:01 AM  
Blogger Louisiana said...

a girl by the name of Betty is always beautiful.

oh Dr. John you guys are so cute and you are such a romantic!
it makes my heart happy to see you/read your story. how sweet..

it is awesome to know a true beautiful Betty who married a most wonderful prince and yes, they did live happily ever after.

enjoy your day...breath easy. much love to both xoxo

6:44 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

Romance is alive and well and living in Wisconsin.

8:38 AM  
Blogger Nessa said...

I love your elf tales. They're so true to life.

10:33 AM  
Blogger butterflies said...

I dont trust elves.
Betty DID find her prince:)

11:01 AM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

At least he has a job even if it is in a burger joint...

1:09 PM  
Blogger The Old Fart said...

I agree with Louisiana, Betty did marry her prince and his name is John.

PS if I had a choice of eating a hamburger at "Rotten Ronnie's" or Wendy's it would be Wendy's.

4:31 PM  
Anonymous quilly said...

pure of heart .... it'll have to be someone very young

6:49 PM  
Blogger Louisiana said...

sometimes an uneventful day is much better than an eventful isn't?

sent you an email.

thank you very much.

God Bless you and your family. sleep well and rest good. xo

9:52 PM  

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