Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Forward from Ralph

Saying for the day: Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram?" Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. ~Jan King

My friend Ralph forwards things to me in my e-mail. This is one of those forwards.

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with,"Hi! I'm Belinda!"

This perky clipboard-carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

"Fine", I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard a crackle. Immediately I felt a zap! Complete darkness....the power was off!

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted..

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."

"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am soooo sorry!" The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps....

.@@@@ News from Pigeon Falls-The little town in my basement where the trains still run, dragons fly, and life is back to normal. It snowed in Pigeon Falls last night. Not the kind of snow that falls only in Pigeon Falls because of a driblet but part of a pattern where snow fell in most of the U.P. . The people of Pigeon Falls were not happy to see it. They were looking forward to some warm Indian Summer. They have had enough cold and snow already to last the winter. Somebody remarked that they had been cheated out of their share of Global Warming, as though it was something people wanted to share.
Nancy’s poltergeist is still having fun with the window light and spelling out words. All of them make sense but one “ALDRST” . It keeps spelling that out about every tenth word or so. Nobody has figured out what it means and you can’t ask a poltergeist. Well you could but you won’t get an answer. So Nancy is still offering a cup of coffee and a saffron role to whoever comes up with a good explanation.
The good news is that Petrovich has not used the ALDRST as an opening to another driblet. But then nobody is sure that he has seen it yet. But he does go for coffee at Nancy’s twice a week or so .

Today's Link-Life in the Shadows- Sour grapes over a football game.
An interesting day. I went to the Doctor and found out the mole was not cancerous. In fact it wasn't a mole. It's what the Doctor called an old person's skin condition. While we were there we got a flue and a pneumonia shot. We came home and worked at cleaning the basement. I found (well Betty found) another engine. We still haven't found the passenger cars. WE put together four boxes to take to Good Will. Now I need a breathing treatment.


Blogger Arthur said...

Dr. John- Although I appreciate the think, I believe the term "sour grapes" is usually reserved for times when somebody talks down an achievement because they know they'll never have it.

For instance, sour grapes over a football game might sound like, "Ah, who cares? It's just a stupid kid's game. I can't believe grown men are getting paid millions to talk about this game and many more men are actually crying themselves to sleep tonight. What a stupid game."

I believe the term you were looking for is probably "bitching." As in, "Today's Link- Life in the Shadows- Bitching over a football game."

BTW, I like your blog.

5:34 AM  
Blogger Margaret said...

Oh grief, thanks for reminding me it is that time of the year again. But seriously, it's not that bad of a test - there are far worse tests.

Plus the dentist leaves me far more uncomfortable. As I sit there with my mouth wide open he leaves for a few minutes while the novacaine kicks in. Not cool if there is a fly buzzing about.

6:25 AM  
Blogger Janvangogh said...


7:26 AM  
Blogger Stacy said...

Good for the woman in the forward! I think I'd have done worse to the technician after 2 hours. Mammagrams HURT!

7:50 AM  
Blogger QUASAR9 said...

I thought it was like a kissogram
but instead of a kiss on the lips, you get to kiss the breasts

1:46 PM  
Anonymous loisontheweb said...

I knew that there was a reason I had been putting off that procedure!

3:20 PM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

Ralph had a mammogram?

4:02 PM  
Anonymous quilly said...

Thanks, Dr. John -- as if having a mammogram weren't traumatic enough, now you've added another fear.

6:59 PM  
Blogger Annette Burkett said...

After reading your post and then all the comments...I'll be smiling all day and people will be wondering about me. Thanks alot Dr. John! LOL

4:47 AM  

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