Monday, November 05, 2007

I Won, I won, I won

Saying for the Day-The kindest, most considerate people in the world are telemarketers and I lie a lot.

I won. I won. I won.
No, I didn’t win at canasta. The last time Betty, Pennie and I played (Saturday night) Betty won.
No I finally got to play the telemarketer game in Neenah. It had been a long time. I haven’t played since Crystal Falls. Betty doesn’t like the game so she won’t tell me when they call.
You know how the game goes. I have to keep the telemarketer from making his or her pitch until they hang up. If they hang up without the sales pitch I win.
Friday a call slipped under Betty’s radar. It went like this.
Telephone rings.

I answer. Hello

Tel– Is this Mr. John Linna?
Me– Yes it is. And I have to congratulate you as you pronounced my last name correctly.

Tel– Mr. Linna I am calling about your membership in Sam’s club.
Me– I’m sorry I don’t have a membership in Sam’s Club.

Tel– But that’s why I’m calling.
Me– Let me get this straight . Your calling me because of my membership in Sam’s Club which I don’t have. Is that’s right.

Tel– Yes but
Me– That is stupid. Crazy even. To call somebody about their membership when they don’t have one. Can it get any dumber than that.

Tel– I can see your having a bad day. I’m sorry I bothered you.
Me– No, this is a good day. I always enjoy talking to people who make no sense.

Tel– I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll give you our 800 number and if you need any assistance just call me.
Me– Do you mean that ? Any assistance.

Tel– Of course I do.
Me– I have some grass that needs cutting.

Tel- Not that kind of assistance.
Me– Pretty soon it will snow. Do you shovel driveways.

Tel– Not that kind of assistance either.
Me– But you said any assistance. I don’t suppose you do windows.

At this point the telematketer broke up. She laughed for a good thirty seconds. Then
Tel– Have a good day Mr. Linna.

Tel– Good by.
Me– Good by

Telemarketer hangs up and I win.

.@@@@ News from Pigeon Falls-The little town in my basement where the trains still run, dragons fly, and life is back to normal. Nancy’s poltergeist found a new toy yesterday. Nancy put up Christmas lights in the window of her café. She left them on even though the café was closed. So the poltergeist spent the afternoon spelling out words with them in the window. There was PEACE, HOPE, LOVE, NICE, TEA, COFFEE, TOMMY, CUTE, and ALDRST repeated over and over again. People though Nancy had put in some elaborate lighting system. This morning people were asking here what ALDRST meant. Poor Nancy didn’t have the slightest idea. Somebody said it might be a foreign language. She should ask Petrovich to translate it. But Nancy is afraid to talk to Petrovich about it for fear it will cause him to think of another driblet that needs translating. So she is offering a free cup of coffee and a saffron bun to anybody who can figure out what it means. Tommy UK is working on it as he wouldn’t mind a free cup of coffee and a saffron bun on his way to school.
Mrs. Trumble has her first batch of personal ornaments and the town crew has put them on the city tree. The problem is the Prasers ornament has their name on a Manger Scene. It is hanging on a public tree. Isn’t that against the law? Mrs. Tr0 opinion(s)umble doesn’t seem concerned. She says they took steps long ago to protect them from such nonsense. The Methodist Pastor has suggested to his people that they buy these metal manager scene ornaments, have their name engraved on it, and flood the tree with them. Then see what happens.

Today's Link-Reverie Cafe- A little money saving advice.
A hard breathing day but otherwise pretty good. We spent most of the day working in the basement. I found two more engines but I am still short the good ones. Betty isd working on her mountain. She is covered with plaster dust from the plaster cloth. Two of my model train cars sold on eBay for much more than I expected so that was good. We put some things up for sale on the local trading website. My sister called. The dog ruined another couch pillow. Just an ordinary day. Tomorrow I have to see the Dr. Now I need a breathing treatment.


Blogger Margaret said...

You did win and got 'em good. Thanks for the Monday morning laugh Dr. John.

6:01 AM  
Blogger Janvangogh said...

Word game!

6:08 AM  
Blogger Annette Burkett said...

Good for you! I think I laughed for a good 30 seconds before I could comment! Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you said about me yesterday. You never know how much you mean to someone until you've been gone for so long and they welcome you back with open arms. You are definitely a very special person to me even though I've never met you in person and I'm sorry that I didn't make it back sooner to let you know that.

6:24 AM  
Anonymous quilly said...

Dr. John -- shame on Betty for keeping the phone from you and not allowing you to win more often. You always spread such joy and cheer!

8:44 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

At least she had a sense of humor!

9:51 AM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

I wish you would replace that Andy Rooney guy on 60 are a lot funnier and he is just plain annoying.

11:28 AM  
Blogger Janvangogh said...

ALDRST is the ghost of a Russian revolutionist.

11:34 AM  
Blogger Alastair said...

love the telemarketer response, wish I had the chutzpah to do the same!

have put a block on telemarketers on my phone account now, though, so only rarely do they get through...

1:49 PM  
Anonymous Kat said...

LOL Dr. John, you definately win! I can't think of stuff that fast.

2:40 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

and a fine win it is! We all feel like winners. I'm going to give it a shot next time I get a call.. wait, the phone is ringing, now is my chance.

4:14 PM  
Blogger patterns of ink said...

I've never played that game. You're good at it--really good!
We have caller ID and usually don't pick up, but when they get through the radar they invariably mess up my last name, so I simple say, "There's no one here by that name" and hang up. That works, too, but it's not as much fun as your game.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Annette Burkett said...

Meant to tell you phone happened to ring when I was at the end of typing the comment I it wasn't a telemarketer thank goodness...Jeff (my new husband) has a blog Running To The Promise. Have a wonderful evening!

7:39 PM  
Blogger Louisiana said...

i'm sorry you had a bad breathing day. i hope tomorrows doctors appt only brings you relief and good news.

you know there are tons of us who can't live without you. we need you, we love you and we are very grateful for you. i hope your health is always good so we may have you and Betty for tons of yrs to come. i don't ever want to not have you both in my life. please.

i love your chats with telemarkers. i wish you could handle my back and forths with Jer, unfortunately we still have some things to sort out and he is not easy or nice to talk to. i'm sure you could handle him much better.

i don't know how to handle someone so angry, so selfish and so blind. i can see now how my life will be so better in the days ahead. i can see i may not have loss as much as i might have thought.

i know you pray for me and us daily. thank you so very much. i have great days and some not great days but i think things will start completely healing once i have not deal with all this dumb drama.

i want it done with Dr. John. it is already done so if the little details could just be over...

i love the naughtyness of your dog. i know he is mischievous and all but he is adorable and he keeps you guys life exciting.

i'm happy you are selling well in eBay. i can't wait to see this project done and the pics that we will all share in.

many hugs from us here..

10:26 PM  
Blogger Nea said...

You know something, I almost feel sorry for that poor telemarketer..haha....but at least she got a nice laugh out of it.

11:28 PM  

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