Saturday, February 24, 2007

If Real Life was a Soap

Saying for the day: Life is stranger than fiction.

If real life was a soap opera it would be scripted much differently and be more fun to watch. Let’s suppose there is a soap opera called “Real Real Life”. One of the main villains is a 39 year old nasty women. We know, but the soap world doesn’t, she killed her last husband who she married for his money. His family has kept her in court preventing her from getting what she really wants. So she has , as any good villain does, taken a number of jobs including TV host. But she has other big plans. She takes a number of lovers and has a very young child which she leaves behind. The child, however is important to the plot. Then suddenly she dies of a drug overdose. Now you and I know because we watch soaps all the time that she isn’t really dead. She got a plastic surgeon, the kind that are always available on the soaps and had the appearance of a friend and her own changed. Then she has one of her thugs, they always have thugs, kill her and make it look like and overdose. She has named her executor who is ,of course, in on the secret. Then she kidnaps another star that she has been altered to look like. She imprisons the star in a log cabin in the hills watched over by another thug. Then she takes her place. This might be noticed so she fakes a breakdown including shaving off all her hair so that nobody knows what to expect from her. Everything is going perfectly except the possible father wants a DNA test so he can get his hands on the money. The test shows the child is not the dead woman’s child or any of the possible fathers. The authorities being stupid think that somebody has substituted a different child. It never occurs to them that what was substituted was the dead woman. The child as all of us know was born after our villain was inseminated with the last of the sperm of Albert Einstein. But there is no Einstein DNA to match it with. The Child , however, has a champion , Detective Paul T. Ducktil of the “We Haven’t Caught One Yet” detective agency. He is on his way to the sperm bank because of a note he found in her papers.. But you and I know that a thug is also on his way. Will our villain ever get caught?
Well that’s the way it would be if Real Life was scripted by the soap writers.
On the other hand real life is pretty weird as it is as our writers would never script in a crying judge.

@@@@ News from Pigeon Falls– The little town where the trains still run, a dragon flew, and the team keeps winning.-The New Potatoes won again last night. One can remember when they hadn’t won a game and nobody expected them to. But now everybody has begun to think they can’t lose. Kivi and Maki’s have brought in a bunch of those hands that say we are number one. They are selling very well. There were a lot of them at the game last night. When the cheer leaders shout out we are the New Potatoes the very best there are. People join in with enthusiasm. How quickly everything has changed.
There were 14 inches of snow in Pigeon Falls last night or as Mayor Trumble says a light dusting. It certainly didn’t keep the Liar’s Club from it’s Saturday breakfast meeting. The committee on contests reported on plans for the first ever Liar’s Club internet story contest. The topic will be dragons. Entries will be limited to 500 words. Liar’s Club members and residents of Pigeon Falls are excluded from participation as is the entire Linna family. The contest will begin on the second Tuesday in March and run two weeks . Early entries will be received and can be sent to Judging will be by the Liar’s Club. Members of the club have been asked to inform their internet friends of the contest. Because these are to be read in public with children present entries with potty or sex words may be excluded. Buddy East thanked the committee for their hard work. The prize subcommittee will report at the next meeting. In other business the Liar’s Club had to turn down requests for its sixty piece band to play at Dirty River Armory. One of the three members has the flue. Members were reminded that their $8.00 yearly dues were due.
Nancy said that somebody stopped in for coffee this morning and asked where Mrs. Wilson Mcmorison III lived. He said he was a relative and he wanted to stop in and visit her. Nancy gave him the usual Pigeon Falls type directions. You go to the end of town , past Last Lutheran Church then turn onto the first gravel road to the left. Go down past three dirt roads then turn on the first dirt road to the right. That’s where the old Blakmore place was before it burned down. Keep driving until you see a mansion, that isn’t it but your close. The next big house on the right is hers. But she told him he should wait until the plows come through unless he has a four wheel drive. He thanked her and went back to the Fly Inn.
Could this be the long lost Bubster, sometimes spelled Bubbster? Where has he been? Where is that dragon or is fourteen inches of snow too much? What about the White Rabbit ? Did the dragon eat it? Will Tommy Uk ski again? How is Tommy TW ‘s book coming. Hang in there and at least one of these questions will get answered.

Today's Link-Our New Baby- If you like cute kid pictures here they are. Leave Dr. John in the comment. Please. I know he isn't cute but do it any way.
Had a fairly good night last night. Got up to a blizard. Did a littel blogging. Did a little family research. Pennie was not on call so we played canasta and I won both games. Then I blogged some more. Not the most exciting day but not bad. Now I need a breathing treatment.


Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

VERY well done! Perhaps you have a new career ahead of you as a writer for the soaps?

7:03 AM  
Blogger The Old Fart said...

Dr John
Very interesting plot though it sounded like a plot from "Another World" in the late 1970's. I like the
"Detective Paul T. Ducktil of the “We Haven’t Caught One Yet” detective agency"
You can almost picture a "Ralph Furley/Barney Fife" ~ Don Knotts kind of character running the agency.

A Wonderful Weekend is wished for you and Betty

7:30 AM  
Anonymous stacy said...

Oh, you are naughty today aren't you? Not that the rest of us aren't thinking it, too.

7:42 AM  
Anonymous Quilly said...

Once in Arizona I was given directions that read: turn right off the highway just past mile marker #, travel three miles, then turn left at the third cactus from the fence. Follow that road three quartyers of a mile. You will pass a huge, flat boulder. Our driveway is immediately to the right.

7:46 AM  
Blogger Alastair said...

Real life is always stranger than fiction! No one would believe half of what I see...

Thanks for the link again - i am back to blogging again after a ridiculously busy week.

8:21 AM  
Blogger Janvangogh said...

I think that Tommy TW is a magical writer. What he writes then happens in the town. We havent read any of his works yet, but I bet that is what is happening.

Yeah, the crying judge. I am not sure what was worse, the judge or the fact that all the news stations televised it. When they called the hearing a circus, I had to laugh when a ringmaster said that it was an insult to circuses!

8:54 AM  
Blogger Catch said...

So your telling me..Britney Spears is really Anna Nicole Smith? I never considered this, but it has a nice ring to it. And Britney is somewhere being held in a cabin with a woman like Kathy Bates in Misery? Very good Dr John. I think you missed your calling as a mystery writer.But I think you made a much better Minister than a mystery writer.

10:00 AM  
Blogger Margaret said...

We must call Scooby Doo from the Cartoon network to come and help solve these mysteries.

Loved the post Dr. John!!

The judge in question is a bit of a nutter, but being from the NE myself - I'm used to hearing and witnessing their odd King Solomen type of ways.

Considering the heavy emotions, hatred and circumstances that all of the parties had in for one another - I think his style was the only way to make them come together. He was right, for the sake of the child who will be viewing her "roots" and life someday.

In the end, this child and how she turns out will be all that matters. Each party has a responsibility to her. So, I guess the judge was kind of cool.

Still a nutter though. =O) (But aren't we all?)

11:02 AM  
Blogger Miss 1999 said...

Maybe you should be writing for my soap opera-- they could really use some help these days!

12:54 PM  
Blogger Cindy said...

Stay away from my passengers!! Their lives are soap opera dramas and they don't need any new ideas!! Especially since I am forced to be their captive audience...this week we had a breakup, a supposed miscarriage, a theft, a supposed pregnancy, a new romance started, and the list goes on and on...

6:01 PM  
Blogger Josie said...

Dr. John, I haven't had such a good laugh in ages. That's wonderful. And you're right. No one could make that stuff up.

Too funny...!


6:56 PM  
Blogger Chana said...

that was brilliaty written and put together. you are a amazing storyteller i tell you. thank you for entertaining, for the first time since this whole thing began in december i was able to go shopping. i braved the saturday walmart shoppers to buy groceries and some odds and ends and went to another shop, just as crazy (Sears Clearance-awesome deals i tell you) to shop for my oldest son clothe. he has been patiently waiting for he outgrew everything back a bit...i was exhausted and sore/tired but i did whole family noticed and we were all delighted..i went with all the kids so i had lots of help. not once did i have to carry my carry-all purse or push the heavy cart or pick up or lift items-they did that but i was still there walking and sitting and participating and making decisions and looking for things and lived to tell the truth i tell you..Whoo-hooo!!! For the first time i feel like i have contibruted to running this house in a long time..and i couldn't be more delighted..I don't care that painkillers and extra rub down from Jr helped for even with these i couldn't have done it a couple of wks ago..I'm so glad to be part of something again ;)
i tell you that the New Potatoes sound very much like our Flames (NHL hockey)...i think that gives you an idea of how we are doing again and then not and then back on, lol..

I love that the dragon flys again. pigeon falls needs a dragon.

i like the way Nancy gives directions, that is so how i do too..maybe it's a girl thing.
Well, it's literary 3 am and i should be asleep so here we try again. I hope you are resting soundly.... Oh, thank you God for all the incredible friendships i have made through are all so very much important to me.

my love and hugs to you and Betty..hello to the family.

2:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness, that was too funny! I just hope that judge got his 15 minutes of fame and enjoyed it because I don't think many people have much respect for him after this fiasco he just orchestrated! Very good post, Dr. John!

7:25 AM  

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