Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Fast Forward from Ralph 4

Saying for the day- Different strokes for different folks.

My friend Ralph likes to forward things and I want to share with you the best of his forwards.

Martha vs. Maxine
*Martha's Way*
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
*Maxine's Way *
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

*Martha's Way*
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Maxine's Way *
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix , keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

*Martha's Way*
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Maxine's Way *
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

*Martha's Way*
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
Maxine's Way *
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

*Martha's Way*
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Maxine's Way *
Celery? Never heard of it!

*Martha's Way*
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Maxine's Way *
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

*Martha's Way*
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Maxine's Way *
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

*Martha's Way*
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Maxine's Way *
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

*Martha's Way*
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine's Way *
Leftover wine???????????

@@@@ News from Pigeon Falls-The little town in my garage where the trains still run, dragons fly, and basketball is King.-The New Potatoes won again last night. This time by twenty points. It isn’t even March and March madness is setting in. People are talking tournaments and going downstate. Nancy says she even knows one family, she isn’t telling who, that has already made reservations at a downstate motel. There is talk of renting a bus. Alex Butter , the only person in town who owns an airplane, is thinking of flying down. The whole town has gone basketball crazy.
Tommy UK has a sprained ankle. He and several friends were out cross country skiing on the Lake of the Loon trail. They were on the long downhill part where you can really build up some speed but it okay because its all straight on the bottom. Tommy was pushing for all he was worth. His friend said it looked like he was trying to set some kind of speed record. Just before he got to the bottom a deer ran across the trail and he hit it. That’s right he hit a deer. Given the speed he was going he was lucky that all he got was a sprained ankle. He wouldn’t have that but the deer was not happy about being hit and kicked him while he was lying in the snow. Then he couldn’t ski so he had to wait there until his friend brought back help on a snowmobile. For the next few days Tommy UK will be on crutches.
Petrovich says he is still working on understanding the first driblet but the one thing he is sure of is that since it contains Cindra’s words for this week it is like a date stamp. It says everything in the driblets will take place after this date. That’s why he was wrong before. He didn’t have this driblet.
Will the New Potatoes keep winning? Will Tommy UK ever ski again? Is Petrovich right this time? Where is that pesky dragon? Will any of these questions every be answered? Does anybody care?

Today's Link-Patterns of Ink- It might cause you to check your peanunt butter. Please leave the crunchy, chewy, Dr. John in the comment.
Breathing was a little better today. I did some blogging. I watched my soaps. Betty and I went to Walgreen's and I discovered that they don't sill Vicks,Ludens, or Smith Brothers cough drops anymore. So much for my childhood. In my Aunt's drug store they wer eright next to the cash register and the candy counter. I think I miss them. I did a google search and they are still being made but they seem to be sold only by reto candy companies . Pennie and I spent some time talking about the paper storage cabinet she wants to build. Now that she has the saw she wants to get started building. I need a breathing treatment.


Anonymous Kat said...

Oh my, these Maxine comments were hysterical! Thanks for the laugh Dr. John!

5:45 AM  
Blogger Janvangogh said...

Could be Cindra had a look at the Gregnicoff driblet before Petrovich. I smell a conspiracy.

5:49 AM  
Anonymous happy and blue 2 said...

Martha may be wise but Maxine is smart..

6:10 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

I'm right there with Maxine!

6:22 AM  
Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

Martha is most likely wealthier, but Maxine is way ahead of her. I am most definitely a "Maxine" lady!

7:36 AM  
Blogger Margaret said...

Maxine sure makes us all laugh. I'd love to see this forward rewritten to include what a Proverbs 23 woman would do. =O)

7:58 AM  
Blogger Margaret said...

Oh and yes, there is a "Finnish Meatball" recipe!

Except I'd really like this one as a "Hot Sandwich". Either on a hard roll or open faced with a mountain of mashed pertaters.

8:04 AM  
Anonymous stacy said...

I have to admit my homemaking skills runner closer to Maxine's than Martha's. Thanks for the laugh.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Gingers Mom said...

That was a great post. And I got some very useful tips too! LOL

1:40 PM  
Blogger QUASAR9 said...

Alas, life is full of paradox and fun
Left over wine?
Mash potatoes out of a packet?

What is right and what is wrong?
Cannot be heaven if the wine is not strong?

What is a good or a bad song?
Cannot be heaven if one cannot wear a thong?

How long is meat to be hung?
Where is all this killing coming from?

It is the nature of man to rebel
hence agreement is hard, can't you tell?

4:22 PM  
Blogger ArtsyTartsyViray said...

Hahaha.. that was HILARIOUS!

Thanks for making the end of my workday brighter!

4:44 PM  
Blogger FRIDAY'S CHILD said...

Well Martha's ways or Maxine's way, whichever they were wonderful tips to remember.
Thanks for sharing it and for the visit.

5:33 PM  
Blogger patterns of ink said...

"Dr. John" I've seen that tag and then today it was mentioned in a comment, which brought me here. Thanks for the link. I'm honored by a fellow Michigander--and a Yooper at that! I've had some great experiences in the U.P.
And some friends of mine teach at Northland not too far from you in Wisconsin.
Here are some archived post that you in particular may enjoy.

I've bookmarked you.

6:34 PM  
Blogger Josie said...

Dr. John, Maxine and I definitely eat ice cream cones the same way... :-)

I'm glad you're sending people to Patterns of Ink. Tom's blog is one of the best blogs out there.


7:10 PM  
Anonymous Quilly said...

Maxine trumps Martha anyday!

Tommy hit a deer while skiing. Priceless.

7:14 PM  
Blogger Miss 1999 said...

That was just too funny! My mom got that in her e-mail awhile back, and loved it-- she thinks Martha Stewart is the devil *L*

Anyway, I think the New Potatoes are gonna keep kicking butt!

10:00 PM  
Blogger Neurotic Mom said...

LOL these are great, i love Maxine

10:41 PM  
Blogger Catch said...

I have never seen this Martha/Maxine thing before. It is really cute!!! Brought a chuckle to my face!!!! Thanks for sharing.

11:18 PM  
Blogger goldennib said...

Maxine is my Hero. Martha needs to go back to jail for quiet time to rethink her issues.

2:49 AM  

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