Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Portrait of Words

Poor Nancy has now heard at least ten different versions of the incident at Last Lutheran and what happened afterward. In one Pastor Joan is stabed and taken to the Clinic. In another she karate chops the knife out of the hand of the intruder and holds him while Chief Ican is called.
Her favorite is where the secretary shoots the man in the face with the fire extinguisher causing him to drop the knife.
Small town have a way of enlarging events in their retelling. They add just a little to make it more exciting in the telling.
The story of Chief Ican losing the guy on the train hasn’t had much time to circulate and already the facts have changed a bit. In the latest version Chief Ican was looking right at the criminal when there was a puff of smoke and he was gone. All that was left was a little pile of ash. Chief Ican, according to this version, thinks it was spontaneous combustion.
Nancy likes all the stories and is a good listener. She knows stories sell a lot of coffee and saffron buns. People would feel guilty coming to tell her the story without buying something.

Clown University

This is Horatio Clam University
It has a huge football field and a mediocre team.
It would like to have a nationally ranked team but that will never happen because it is located way back in the woods of Upper Michigan.
Despite plenty of recruiting money they just can't attract quality players. One of the coaches commented the other day that "the day one our quarterbacks makes it to the NFL the Devil will ride to work on a snow mobile. We haven't even had a victory parade in years"

So good old Horatio Clam will never be known as a producer of great football players. It does have one distinction though. The top clowns in the country have come from Horatio.
They don't put that in their brochures but its true. THe top clowns in the three top circuses in the country graduated from Horatio. That funny clown that is the center of the "Little Red Car TV show graduated from there.
They don't have a school for clowns and their drama department is at best mediocre so the only reason anyone can give for this phenomenon is that there is so little to do in the town where the University is located that the students spend a lot of time clowning around.


Blogger Voegtli said...

I am always promising that I will start these things like Portrait of Words. But my usage of time, like now traveling again, always prevent me from doing so. But tomorrow I am at my destination. And then, once settled in, I shall start.

Promis, juré

3:55 AM  
Blogger Lori's Minute said...

I tried to think of a witty comment but it is too early in the day for me.

We have Luke's parent teacher conference tonight. He aced his spelling pretest so he does not have to take the test this Thursday (somebody in the family can actually spell). The time this happened though, he got into trouble for talking while the other kids took the test. Can't win... Bree joins Forensics this week.

5:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That certainly does explain a lot!

5:46 AM  
Blogger Bill ~ {The Old Fart} said...

Very nice Dr John, and I like how you incorporated "the Devil will ride to work on a snow mobile". Nice.

Blanche is in more trouble I think.

6:00 AM  
Anonymous Alice Audrey said...

I'll bet Nancy hears all kinds of things. Some of it real.

7:36 AM  
Blogger Maude Lynn said...

Good one, Dr. John!

7:42 AM  
Blogger Melli said...

Oh how those stories do spread! I heard (all the way down here) Pastor Joan clobbered Gerald with the Christ candle and had him tied up with a choir robe by the time Ican got there! News of the escape hasn't reached Maryland yet!

The college story makes perfect sense to me!

7:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great story and you even used the idiom. Love it :)

8:17 AM  
Blogger Nessa said...

Very funny. Horatio must be a very scary town with all of those clowns roaming around.

; )

8:26 AM  
Blogger Lou said...

You had me going with Horatio Clam U. Very funny!
I can picture their football team making funny noises when they tackle, running the wrong way, etc.

8:28 AM  
Blogger aims said...

I think clowning would be a 'happier' profession than being a quarterback. Maybe not as rewarding in the groupie department but perhaps just as much applause.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I like clowns!

10:27 AM  
Anonymous Carletta said...

Hi Dr. John,
It's been a long while since I've commented here. I noticed around the web yesterday of your challenge to create a new idiom.
I think it has sucessfully been unleashed on the world. I just commented to Thom that he has used it often the past couple of days!
It's very clever Sir!
Loved your Portrait of Words story.

11:36 AM  
Anonymous quilly said...

I think all universities produce more clowns than they care to acknowledge. ;)

Gossip does sell, but I prefer not to add its profit.

6:54 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

Well, Dr. John, you had me all psyched up to come to Horatio for some clown classes. Then you pulled the rug out from under me.

We played golf today at a college golf course (Sam Houston State University in Huntsville, Texas) and I found a class I need again. The golf class came out at 3:00.

When I teaching at our college I took golf two times with the credit classes and several time for continuing eductation. That is the place for cheap lessons.
I also had two semesters of class piano. My teacher said I was ready for private lessons but I didn't take any.

9:47 PM  
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